October 11, 1975-George Carlin
*(JOB) mimics wolverine phrases & heart attack of English teacher (Michael O’Donoghue)
-sleeping juror (GIR) interprets a piece of evidence as a pick-up line
-Victims Of Shark Bite- (JOB) falsely claims to have had limbs bitten off
-Bee Hospital- new fathers find out where their offspring rank in the hive
-(DAA) breaks into house of (JOB) & (GIR) to show need for home security
October 18, 1975-Paul Simon
*host performs "Still Crazy After All These Years" then CHC falls
October 25, 1975-Rob Reiner
*wheelchair bound (CHC) briefly regains his ability to walk, then falls
-a trip to the doctor (DAA) reveals that (JOB)'s pancreas is unhealthy
-host & Penny Marshall [real] emcee a fashion show of style mistakes
-Dangerous But Inept- Squeaky Fromme (LAN) is unable to shoot JAC
-Droolers Anti-Defamation League representative (CHC) promotes awareness
-a deranged, sadistic hoe-down caller (DAA) torments square dancers
-host gets upset when The Bees ruin his dramatic scene with Penny Marshall [real]
November 8, 1975-Candice Bergen
*clumsy Gerald Ford (CHC) has a few accidents during a speech
-CIA records keeper (DAA) says he can't find GAM's criminal file
-Jaws II- a clever Land Shark (CHC) attacks young women in their homes
-Midnight Probe- host interviews kiwi trappers (DAA) & (JOB)
-Catherine Deneuve (host) lies on a Chanel bottle & talks about fame
-host's obnoxious practical jokes slowly anger third-world ruler (JOB)
-airline ticket vendor (LAN) calmly takes (Michael O’Donoghue)'s sadistic crank call
-Black Perspective- GAM praises lily-white African American expert JAC
November 15, 1975-Robert Klein
*beauty pageant winner Sherry (LAN) refuses to accept her crown
-Minute Mystery- Mike Mendoza (DAA) challenges viewers to solve a crime
-Sam Peckinpah (JOB) treats actress (GIR) roughly while directing a comedy
-(host) tries to convince fellow exterminator (JOB) not to kill roaches
-Looks At Books- JAC questions Little Kingdom author Emily Litella (GIR)
November 22, 1975-Lily Tomlin
*Gerald Ford (CHC) addresses link between NYC debt default & re-election
-Jaws III- Matt Cooper (JOB) & Sheriff Brady (DAA) resume Land Shark (CHC) hunt
-a clumsy bellhop (CHC) walks in on an interracial couple (GAM) & (JAC)
-Susie (host) forgives her recently arrested sorority sister Patty Hearst
-forewoman (host) uses DAA to gives female hardhats lessons on how to harass
December 13, 1975-Richard Pryor
*CHC gives pointers after yielding to the host's wish that GAM does the fall
-Samurai Hotel- Futaba (JOB) & bellboy (host) fight over (CHC)'s luggage
-Looks At Books- Junior Griffin (host) talks about his life as a Caucasian
-interviewer (CHC) conducts racially charged word association with (host)
-(DAA)'s paranoia about black takeover misses changes in his own family
-soldier (host) accidentally takes suicide pill during mission briefing
-Exorcist II- another priest (host) tries to help possessed Regan (LAN)
December 20, 1975-Candice Bergen
*Gerald Ford (CHC) gives a Christmas Eve fireside chat from the White House
-(CHC) calls his parents to say that he's guilty of 26 counts of murder
-(host) discovers that her brother (CHC) & father (DAA) are latent elves
-Tarn-Off gets Princess Grace's (host) jewels sparkling clean
-in a laundromat, (JOB) & (GIR) silently flirt through clothing they deposit
-Minute Mystery- Mike Mendoza (DAA) overlooks clues that point to sexy (host)
-The Fritzie Kringle (LAN) Show- cooking ingredients get eaten prematurely
January 10, 1976-Elliott Gould
*a chain reaction in The Dead String Quartet causes cellist (CHC) to fall
-interior demolitionists (host) & (CHC) wreck the home of (JAC) & (DAA)
-support group members Vito Corleone (JOB) & Sherry (LAN) discuss their troubles
-new Shimmer can be used as both a floor wax & a dessert topping
-Killer Bees hostage situation to get pollen is disrupted by technical difficulties
-Birthright- doctors (DAA) & (host) explain their preferred birth methods
January 17, 1976-Buck Henry
*suicide hotline worker (CHC) takes a fall while trying to make a call
-Samurai Delicatessen- Futaba (JOB) makes a sandwich for Mr. Dantley (host)
-Presidential Foreplay- affair claimer (GIR) mixes up Richard Nixon & JFK
-Ron Nessen (host) & Gerald Ford (CHC) launch Operation Stumblebum
-poor reader Evelyn Woodski (LAN) advertises her speed-reading school
-Citizen Kane II- a search for the meaning of (DAA)’s post-"Rosebud" words
-auto mechanic (DAA) tells his daughter (GIR) bedtime car repair stories
-neighbors' euphemisms about (host)'s constipation make him uncomfortable
January 24, 1976-Peter Cook & Dudley Moore
*bomb squad expert (CHC) attempts to deactivate a cream pie bomb
-prisoners audition for parts in a jailhouse production of Gigi
-Don Pardo's Holiday In An Elevator- (GIR) & (DAA) go on the low-cost vacation
-Table Talk- (Dudley) interviews The Frog & Peach restaurant owner (Peter)
-Backstage Banter- JAC interviews male impersonator Sheila Ellington (JOB)
-not-quite-deceased (GAM) objects to having his organs harvested
-Matthew (Dudley) interviews a shepherd (Peter) who saw the baby Jesus
January 31, 1976-Dick Cavett
*resentful GAM uses voodoo to make attention-getting CHC tumble
-eager to be wed, (JAC) ignores misfires of her hunter boyfriend (CHC)
-Our Town- Stage Manager (host) lists some of his favorite NYC problems
-Dance To The Nation- Betty Ford (JAC) combines advice & modern dance
-Looks At Books- Nebraska Pimp host is a quaint prostitution practitioner
February 14, 1976-Peter Boyle
*during St. Valentine's Day Massacre, valet (CHC) is riddled with bullets
-Ricardo Montalban (DAA) talks about the Corrida automobile's false luxury
-Samurai Divorce Court- Futaba (JOB) & his wife (JAC) split their assets
-stoners Jason (DAA) & Sunset (LAN) present slide show for neighbor (host)
-All-Pro Wrestling- Bees (JOB) & (host) battle WASPs (CHC) & (GIR)
-Remembrance Of Things Past- disguised Richard Nixon (DAA) contemplates
-Dueling Brandos (host) & (JOB) trade Marlon's famous movie lines
-(JAC) convinces her husband (host) that orgy participants are new products
February 21, 1976-Desi Arnaz
*Gerald Ford (CHC) undergoes a free association test with psychologist (DAA)
-Rubin Carter (GAM) carries National Express Card to get recognized
-(JAC) comforts her husband (CHC) after unsuccessful sex on his 40th birthday
-Luciana Vermicelli's (LAN) book details her ghoulish beauty routine
-Literary Recital- host's Cuban accent mangles Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky
-Caucasian guy Very White's (CHC) sexy singing attempt isn't very soulful
-failed I Love Lucy pilots have other Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz Jr.) mates
-The Untouchables- Eliot Ness (DAA) tracks Lucy (GIR) & Frank Nitti (host)
-Lucy (GIR) shows Ethel (JAC) costume ideas for sneaking into Ricky's club
-Cuban acupuncture specialist (host) uses cigars on (JOB)'s migraines
-(CHC)'s nonsense words make communication with girlfriend (LAN) difficult
February 28, 1976-Jill Clayburgh
*tired of playing a fool, CHC holds up the show & tells Lorne Michaels "no more falls"
-Jill Carson, Guidance Counselor!- delinquent (JOB) receives advice from (host)
-GAM offers to accept Caucasians' remorse via the White Guilt Relief Fund
-Car Yummies cheese snacks are the fuel supplements your auto will love
-persistent (host) wants to know what boyfriend (CHC) is thinking about
-Grable (JAC) & Lombard (host)- movie features marriage to each other
March 13, 1976-Anthony Perkins
*CHC unconvincingly denies claim that there's too much filler in SNL
-patient (JAC) sings "Hello, Dolly" as part of (host)'s therapy technique
-dominatrix (JAC) tries to whip (GIR) into becoming a better housewife
-learn proper knife use at Norman Bates (host) School Of Hotel Management
-(host) wants to go beyond saying "Hi" & have affair with co-worker (GIR)
-Sherry (LAN) complains to professor (host) about her Bee (JOB)
-host screens trailers for his post-Psycho low-budget horror movies
-small town policemen (host) & (DAA) throw televised dance party
April 17, 1976-Ron Nessen
*Gerald Ford-on-tape [real] starts the show after Dead String Quartet lead-in
-Super Bass-O-Matic '76- (DAA) pitches a device that creates liquid fish
-host briefs Gerald Ford (CHC) & asks for permission to be on SNL
-jam sellers one-up each other with progressively disgusting brand names
-stoner (JOB) is an example of the hip new image of the Volunteer Army
-for that fresh & clean feeling, (GIR) uses Autumn Fizz carbonated douche
-Tomorrow- Tom Snyder (DAA) asks host for the scoop on Washington D.C.
-Supreme Court "inspects" sex of (JAC) & (CHC) for "unlawful practices"
-Misconception- the cliche "too many cooks spoil the broth" is disproven
April 24, 1976-Raquel Welch
*while performing an awards sketch, CHC quits when a fall is requested
-pied piper (CHC) pitches Purina Rat Chow for apartment pests
-Joseph Franklin (DAA) introduces 10-letter metric alphabet- the Decabet
-The Claudine Longet Invitational- ski competitors are "accidentally" shot
-One Flew Over The Hornet's Nest- institutionalized Bees talk Oscars
May 8, 1976-Madeline Kahn
*blues organist Ronald Reagan (CHC) blows hip image by calling (GAM) "boy"
-Wilderness Comedian- a movie about Shecky Adams (JOB), wildlife entertainer
-Not For Ladies Only- Baba Wawa (GIR) & Marlene Deutschland (host) talk
-(host) tells fellow slumber partygoers (GIR) (JAC) (LAN) all about sex
-Namibian (GAM) requests donations of fondue sets for his country
-awaken Bride Of Frankenstein (host) performs "I Feel Pretty"
-Rosie (JAC) recommends Super-Absorbent Dry Hose as leg moisture solution
-the final days of Richard Nixon's (DAA) administration were stormy
-(JOB) promises Ms. Mulwray (host) "I Will Follow Him" through Chinatown
May 15, 1976-Dyan Cannon
*CHC has to repeat the show-opening fall when the camera turns on too late
-in a taste test, (LAN) prefers sugar-free Zing to a glass of Phlegm
-hearing test subjects are oblivious to armed robbery & police shootout
-(host) lies to her husband (DAA) after being caught cheating with (CHC)
-Vacationland Adventure- Bulgarian (JOB) promotes visits to his homeland
-in Beirut, hostage Anita Bryant (JAC) pitches orange juice
-during a funeral, a minister (CHC) has a bad case of the hiccups
-Cindy Cleavage (host) & Roy Waddmaker (DAA) pitch Bathwater Of The Stars
-(CHC) takes abuse during multiple takes for a Marine Corps commercial
-(host) sings "Johnny Angel" while her Hell's Angels boyfriends terrorize
-druggist (JOB) recommends Cresk toothpaste for (GIR)'s deceased son
May 22, 1976-Buck Henry
*injured CHC boasts of Emmy win & insults LAN as she prepares to do the fall
-Peter Lemon Moodring (CHC) changes colors to reflect the songs he sings
-Samurai Tailor- Mr. Dantley (host) needs a tux from Futaba (JOB) for his wedding
-Talk Back- lack of calls leads (host) to increase topic controversy level
-Dell Stator's 99-Cent Toad Ranch Restaurant- (DAA) pitches frog meat
-(host) & (CHC) audition a crowd for scenes in a movie
-Not For Ladies Only- Baba Wawa (GIR) interviews director Lina Wertmuller (LAN)
-Looks At Books- sexologist (host) is vague about subject of his book
May 29, 1976-Elliott Gould
*at a wax museum, flasher (CHC) is slapped by supposed wax figure (GIR)
-fake European poker player (CHC) & translator (host) con gambler (DAA)
-doctor (CHC) tells Babs (GIR) that her uvula is unhealthy
-Star Trek- NBC executive (host) boards the Enterprise to cancel the show
-the Vibramatic personal massager can also be used as a kitchen tool
-ambassador Shirley Temple Black (LAN) asks Ghanians to say "hi, neighbor"
-The Honeymooners- Bee Ralph (JOB) discovers Bee Alice (GIR) is pregnant
July 24, 1976-Louise Lasser
*arguing JOB & CHC attempt to make up by shaking hands, but a fall occurs
-General Idi "V.D." Amin (GAM) gives the warning signs of his syphilis
-Sven (CHC) & Inger (host) fool Death in a Bergman-like scene
-Sandra Goode (JAC) & Squeaky Fromme (LAN) pitch human-hair potholders
-(host) has relationship talk with her dog as if it were a human partner
-teens (JAC) & (GIR) talk about issues related to boys & making out
-cash-strapped JOB's line of clothing consists of his actual garments
July 31, 1976-Kris Kristofferson
*host sings "Help Me Make It Through The Night" as CHC woos Rita Coolidge [real]
-new employee Sherry (LAN) recalls male SNL writers' advances toward her
-Samurai General Practitioner- Futaba (JOB) gives host an examination
-Jesse Owens (GAM) sells medallions of the endangered Great White Athlete
-Gerald Ford (CHC) hears independent delegate's (host) pork barrel request
-Police State- officers (DAA) & (CHC) shoot first, ask questions later
-Talk Country- host's book helps you overcome education with dialect
-(JAC) is apprehensive about a blind date with her gynecologist (host)
-suckup Andrew Young (GAM) praises Jimmy Carter (DAA) in vain
-Waiting For Pardo- Vladimir (host) & Estragon (CHC) ponder ambiguous Don
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