October 6, 1984-no host
*Lifestyles of the Relatives of the Rich & Famous- Nelson Hepburn (MAS) is a vendor
-Pat Sajak fan Ed Grimley (MAS) wants to be a Wheel of Fortune contestant
-babysitter Howard Cosell's (BIC) wordiness puts his grandkids to sleep
-First Draft Theatre- an early version of Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep
-Book Beat- iron pipe through (CHG)'s head hampers interview with (RIH)
October 13, 1984-Bob Uecker
*Robin Williams' (MAS) ad libs makes Password difficult for his partner (PLS)
-Snap (MAS) Crackle (CHG) & Pop (BIC) perform their nightclub act
-a little league coach (host) trades his son (BIC) to another family
-Tom Brokaw (HAS) asks NBC news chief Lawrence Grossman (MAS) for less L's
-7 x 4- contestants ruin too-easy game show by repeatedly exclaiming the answer
-naive cop (host) lets (CHG) take the entire lost & found department
October 20, 1984-Jesse Jackson
*host asks Sammy Davis, Jr. (BIC) for help with what to do on the show
-while stuck in an elevator, Willie (BIC) & Frankie (CHG) talk about pain
-The Question is Moot!- host's politics make game show answers unimportant
-(BIC) bugs (JIB) by alternating the news of his son's death with "just kidding"
-while seated next to host on a plane, Ed Grimley (MAS) sees a demon on the wing
-outdated Billy Idol (PLS) has a new album, Wrong Voice, Right Face
November 3, 1984-Michael McKean
*Geraldine Ferraro (MAG) sings “Mondale should've let a woman be on top”
-Ronald Reagan (HAS) proposes arm bands for schoolkids who don't pray
-Fernando's (BIC) Hideaway- cameraman Bobby Fraraccio [real] is Barry Manilow
-First Draft Theatre- drunk Reginald Rose edits 12 Angry Men
-Madonna (PLS) sings "Lucky Star" to promote her line of navel accessories
-PBS Pledgebration- Vincent Price (MMK) previews his horror-cooking show
-a strange rabbi (BIC) gives (MAS) advice about his wife's unfaithfulness
-Walter Mondale (GAK) & staff prepare for upcoming loss to Ronald Reagan
November 10, 1984-George Carlin
*GAK is mad that he wasted time developing a Walter Mondale impression
-while on patrol, night watchmen Willie (BIC) & Frankie (CHG) talk about pain
-The Joe Franklin (BIC) Show- guests include Jackie Rogers Jr. (MAS) & Senor Cosa (CHG)
-stand-up pioneer (host) does 18th century jokes at Ye Olde Comedy Shoppe
-The Ghostbuster Show- sisters Chi Chi (MAG) & Consuela (JLD) are big fans
-Ted's Book Of World Records contains only (host)’s self-achievements
-Alan Thicke's (HAS) In Thickness & In Health- Irving Cohen (MAS) on lousy cable
-(host) points to family tradition when his son (BIC) doesn't want to be a cop
November 17, 1984-Ed Asner
*Lou Grant (host) tries to rescue Mary Richards (MAG) from syndication
-Ed Grimley's (MAS) witnesses neighbor (host) committing murder a la Rear Window
-Me & Julio- Iglesias (GAK) sings many duets with more performers
-nuclear technicians wonder what (host) meant with parting tip “you can’t put too much”
-get more kids to light up by supporting National Adopt A Non-Smoker Day
-elderly Peter Pan (host) catches up with Wendy (MAG) after dark
December 1, 1984-Ed Begley Jr.
*Michael Reagan (JIB) denies using his connections to wage personal wars
-Kate & Ali- Hepburn (MAS) & Muhammad (BIC) have typical sitcom problems
-Book Beat- (GAK)’s defense against (JIB)'s plagiarism charges is interrupted by time traveler (host)
-(MAS)'s life depends on beating the Grim Reaper (host) at Trivial Pursuit
-Let's Watch TV- Chi Chi (MAG) & Consuela (JLD) talk about their favorite shows
-Chayefsky characters Angie (BIC) & Marty (JIB) try to decide what to do
-(MAS) & (BIC) musically eulogize their madcap vaudeville-partner dads
-Eyeball To Eyeball- loonies (MAS) & (CHG) interview museum curator (host)
-architect (host) won't compromise when (HAS) wants elevator stool removed
December 8, 1984-Ringo Starr
*at a Beatles memorabilia auction, no one makes an offer for host
-at a bus stop, Ed Grimley (MAS) watches (host) get hit by lightning repeatedly
-among the girders, construction workers Willie (BIC) & Frankie (CHG) talk about pain
-(JIB) isn't happy that his wife (PLS) bought host at the Beatles auction
-Strictly From Blackwell (HAS)- Rajeev Vindaloo (CHG) gives wine tips
-Japanese colonel (BIC) tries reverse psychology on WWII prisoners of war
-Fernando's (BIC) Hideaway- an interview with host & his wife Barbara Bach [real]
-to get a job, interviewee (JIB) tries to prove that he's mentally ill
December 15, 1984-Eddie Murphy
*Alfalfa (MAG) magnifies a newspaper photo & discovers Buckwheat is still alive
-Mister Robinson's (EDM) Neighborhood- the easy way to make a Cabbage Patch Doll
-Bishop Tutu (EDM) accidentally ruins Doug Flutie's (RIH) Heisman Trophy
-Buckwheat (EDM) staged his death to escape a killer, who turns out to be Alfalfa (MAG)
-Gumby (EDM) reunites with (CHG), Irving Cohen (MAS) & Lew Goldman (BIC) at a deli
-Newsmakers- Communists' (MAG) & (JLD) schoolyard chant wastes time
-the fate of a WWII platoon depends on Lawrence's (MAS) stair-climbing ability
January 12, 1985-Kathleen Turner
*in Donahue green room, Fernando (BIC) asks Bernie Goetz (RIH) to be on Hideaway
-military supplier MacDouglass-Drummond's products are basic yet costly
-Willie (BIC) & Frankie (CHG) talk about pain while taking part in a water-ski pyramid
-nose hair trimmer Walter (GAK) sells (CHG) on importance of groomed nostrils
-to ensure his daughter's (JLD) safety, (MAS) uses a fireplace to hypnotize her boyfriend (BIC)
-Jeanne Dixon (MAG) tells what the stars predict for 1985
-The Joe Franklin (BIC) Show- Doug Henning (MAS) & Alan Arkin (CHG) are guests
-persistent (host) manipulates jilted (MAS) into pursuing a relationship
-Strictly From Blackwell (HAS)- (MAS) in dinner theater version of Irma La Douce
January 19, 1985-Roy Scheider
*inaugural preview has Nancy prompting Ronald Reagan during oath of office
-Ricky (BIC) & Phil (CHG) temper their insults because it's Super Sunday
-(host) won't accept less than $5,000,000 for his 2 Super Bowl tickets
-In Praise of Women- Julio Iglesias (GAK) hits on unsexy females
-transgendered lounge pianist Penny Lane (BIC) talks with (host)
-(host) wants to do "good cop, bad cop" on (JIB), but Lawrence (MAS) is inept
-in a mental hospital, Consuela (JLD) visits self-admitted patient Chi Chi (MAG)
February 2, 1985-Alex Karras
*Prince (BIC) & Hulk Hogan (JIB) demand that Tina Turner should host
-Ed Grimley's (MAS) neighbor Miss Malone (Tina Turner) comes to borrow oranges
-abusive Kelly Cola founder (host) finds tasty ingredient in (BIC)'s sweat
-Power From Giving- the book helped federal employee (JIB) find Ed Meese
-Bernie Goetz (RIH) shows you how to live in New York On Five Dollars A Day
-back in Minnesota, Walter Mondale's (GAK) sobbing attracts moose
-on Vince McMahon's (RIH) show, Captain Lou Albano (host) talks politics
-an auctioneer (CHG) uses unconventional methods to sell antiques
February 9, 1985-Harry Anderson
*while Ronald Reagan is addressing Congress, Robert Latta (RIH) wanders in
-Kate & Ali- a Valentine's Day Special for Hepburn (MAS) & Muhammad (BIC)
-after coming home 20 minutes late, (JIB) finds that his wife (MAG) remarried
-Ricky (BIC) & Phil (CHG) play Trivial Pursuit and predict Academy Award winners
-during Salem trials, (MAS) tries to defend (GAK) against witch charges
-singer (JLD) can’t go solo because Aunt Helen (MAG) saved her life twice
February 16, 1985-Pamela Sue Martin
-The Joe Franklin (BIC) Show- Jackie Rogers Jr. (MAS) & Red Skelton (CHG) are interviewed
-the tale of how JIB carried out Babe Ruth-like promise to boy with his drag sketch
-messengers Willie (BIC) & Frankie (CHG) talk about pain while waiting for an elevator
-First Draft Theatre- how The Holy Bible came to reach its current form
-Linda Evans (host) & Joan Collins (PLS) feud as they plug catfight album
March 30, 1985-Mr. T & Hulk Hogan
*Prince (BIC) sings "I Am Also The World" with his bodyguards (hosts) near
-Fisherman Bob (JIB) says you can catch a lot more fish with toxic waste
-(CHG) tries to sell (GAK)'s parents on Crystal Lake Friday The 13th camp
-Fernando's (BIC) Hideaway- hosts talk about upcoming WrestleMania extravaganza
-(CHG) courts (MAS) in an example of 19th-century prison homosexuality
-don't worry about depleting your Ohio S&L funds because you can't access them
-The Joe Franklin (BIC) Show- Irving Cohen (MAS) & Liberace [real] sit in
-Nathan Thurm (MAS) is confronted by the husband (JIB) of his mistress (MAG)
April 6, 1985-Christopher Reeve
*A.D. 13, Part V, A New Beginning- biblical miniseries has all-star cast
-host, (GAK) & (RIH) perform their own stunts at the Superman auditions
-Jackie Rogers Jr.'s (MAS) $100,000 Jackpot Wad- Rajeev Vindaloo (CHG) spins for money
-in WWII, a sergeant (JIB) comes up with dumb ways to escape the Germans
-old Superman (host) tells fellow nursing home resident (BIC) of past fame
-Talk Back- fake Amish men discuss their objections to the movie Witness
April 13, 1985-Howard Cosell
*on the SNL set, boom mike operators Willie (BIC) & Frankie (CHG) talk about pain
-case of mistaken identity puts hospital patient Ed Grimley (MAS) on mob hitlist
-Inside Out- easily-surprised (JLD) fires spit-takes at her guests
-at his bar mitzvah, young host's parents (host) & (BIC) learn his career plans
-Fernando's (BIC) Hideaway- host talks about his experiences in broadcasting
-Good Sex with Dr. Ruth Westheimer (MAG)- Dr. Seuss (RIH) bothers host
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