November 9, 1985-Madonna
*Brandon Tartikoff [real] says drug tests will end substance abuse at SNL
-National Inquirer Theatre- a dramatization of JFK (RAQ) killing Marilyn Monroe (host)
-Pinklisting- a gay actor (TES) pretends to be macho in order to get work
-Jones Brothers' (AMH) & (DAW) sell cheap merchandise when the middleman is eliminated
-El Spectaculare De Marika (host)- Mexican variety special consists of dance numbers
-Nancy Reagan (TES) boozes during royal visit by Charles (JOL) & Di (host)
November 16, 1985-Chevy Chase
*fireman (CHC) leads his men on a door-checking mission in a smoky hallway
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- guest is feminist stripper Harriet De Lafayette (DAV)
-Gerald Ford (CHC) gives Ronald Reagan (RAQ) advice about Soviet meeting
-Those Unlucky Andersons- (CHC) prescribes butter for his ill-fated family
-Jose Cuervo's Party School Bowl- students answer very easy questions
-The Life of Vlad The Impaler- Transylvanian prince (RAQ) receives complaints
-The Blue, The Gray, & The Yellow- cowardly brothers (AMH) & (RDJ) are Civil War enemies
-Drums, Drums, Drums- CHC plays selections from his three-album collection
-Tommy Flanagan (JOL) of Pathological Liars Anonymous tells his life story
-Craig Sundberg, Idiot Savant (AMH) judges a violin recital in Moscow
November 23, 1985-Pee-Wee Herman
*cast watches as host walks a tightrope between the World Trade Center towers
-(RAQ) is interested in a hooker, but he can't figure out how to tell host
-host's Thanksgiving Special has Brooke Shields (JOC) & Diana Ross (TES)
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- dealing with runway drool with depression expert (RAQ)
-cellmates Tommy Flanagan (JOL) & host trade fibs while waiting to be bailed out
-host looks for a mouse in a bottle of Coke to save (RAQ)'s Dinosaur Town
-host's love for his teacher Miss Patterson (JOC) is requited
-Hal Fisher's (RAQ) Money Magnet Method is real estate & motivates sellers
December 7, 1985-John Lithgow
*Ronald Reagan (RAQ) won't listen to Dr. Lizardo's (host) Halley's Comet alert
-(host)'s outlook improves after getting a bug removed from his butt
-Master Thespian (JOL) has an acting duel with mentor Baudelaire (host)
-Double R (RAQ) & son (RDJ) sell the Rajneesh's Rolls-Royces
-(host) can only offer his daughter (JOC) cliches in her time of need
-Nancy Reagan (TES) sings & dances "That Old Black Magic" Vegas-style
-captain (host) has valid reasons not to give in to mutineers' demands
-The Limits Of The Imagination- fish fry is literally "all-you-can-eat"
December 14, 1985-Tom Hanks
*Entertainment Tonight- Mary Hart (NOD) & Rob Weller (host) dish on celebrities
-Tommy Flanagan (JOL) & his brother Earl (host) visit their mom (NOD) for the holidays
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- how to hail a cab as Louis Farrakhan (DAW) cries
-(host) has thought about what life will be like after his wife (JOC) dies
-stand-up comics (host) (JOL) (DAW) do observational humor backstage
-(NOD) & (JOC) take a break from shopping for their kids' Christmas toys
-fishermen (host) & (RAQ) react after the sea gives them a treasure chest
December 21, 1985-Teri Garr
*Cabrini Green (DAV) takes a Christmas gift to a rapper wrapper (DAW)
-island residents (RAQ) & (host) discuss the latter's price in eggs
-Hildy- the Deavers' maid (TES) rewards herself for saving Christmas
-NBC broadcasts the six unaired minutes of A Roy Orbison (RAQ) Christmas
-The Big Tree- a disaster movie about a huge, unsafe Christmas decoration
-(AMH)'s time-travel excursions affect his parents' Trivial Pursuit game
January 18, 1986-Harry Dean Stanton
*sullen, wheelchair-bound Herb (RAQ) explains why he's never had a Whopper
-Double R (RAQ) & son (RDJ) have a "stink sale" to move death-scented furniture
-Cleveland Vice- (host) & (RAQ) investigate a spree of bowling ball thefts
-Death of a Gunfighter- Bat Masterson (RAQ) schedules showdown with (host)
-new father (JOL) is mad about what his wife (JOC) said to him during labor
-That Black Girl- Latoya Marie's (DAV) agent Seymour (TES) gets her a part
-in a bar, drunk (host) bothers patrons (RDJ) & (JOC)
-a store insensitively uses MLK Day as an occasion to stage a white sale
January 25, 1986-Dudley Moore
*monks break their vow of silence & discuss their yearly Super Bowl bet
-(JOC) & Cabrini Green (DAV) compete in Miss Pregnant Teenage America Pageant
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- poses that build self-esteem with Jackie Stewart (host)
-The Limits of the Imagination- comic's (host) audience is over-responsive
-Name That Tune- contestants (JOC) & (host) fail to identify simple songs
-Master Thespian (JOL) has a rehearsal with rival actor Sir Roger Tewksberry (host)
February 8, 1986-Ron Reagan
*parents are at Camp David, so host engages in White House Risky Business
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- Little Richard (DAW) says everyone steals his ideas
-defective Dalkon Shields make great trout traps according to (RDJ)
-host goes Back To The Future to Hellcats Of The Navy set to unite parents
-The Limits Of The Imagination- family & friends fail to recognize (host)
-Flotilla Williams (DAV) explains Romeo & Juliet using ghetto terminology
-(JOC) is upset with her boyfriend David's (JOL) Woody Allen obsession
February 15, 1986-Jerry Hall
*Mick Jagger [real] covers for Tommy Flanagan (JOL) when he talks to host in a bar
-The Limits Of The Imagination- Maggie The Cat (host) desires gay (TES)
-Models Against The Wilderness- host & Brooke Shields (JOC) in plane crash
-Master Thespian (JOL) has unrequited love for co-star of jungle movie (host)
-Kaddafi (JOL) threatens (host) & (NOD) after they cross his line of death
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- host shows how to hang upside-down & maintain looks
-(RAQ)'s sore big toe is repeatedly injured by uncommon inconveniences
February 22, 1986-Jay Leno
*“SNL executive producer” Tommy Flanagan (JOL) gives host a tour of the studio
-Target Earth- aliens from a less-advanced civilization act tough
-Mike The Dog [real] has dinner with an old friend (RAQ) in a restaurant
-Star Search- singers, actors, comedians & more on talent contest
-mustache lets host become his evil twin "Wayne" when (JOC) won't give in
-a veteran comic (host) visits observational stand-ups (JOL) (DAW) (DEM) backstage
-Lyle Alzado (RAQ) supervises (RDJ) during ad for Man Beat magazine
-shy Biff (JOL) & Salena (JOC) talk to each other in her diner
March 15, 1986-Griffin Dunne
*Tommy Flanagan (JOL) clears up rumors about SNL's poor ratings & reviews
-Double R (RAQ) & son (RDJ) stage Ferdinand Marcos Malacanang Palace Liquidation Sale
-lawyer Mr. Monopoly (JOL) uses game cards to help his client (host)
-You Bet Your Finger- a malfunctioning mini-guillotine butchers (host)
-Nancy Reagan (TES) counters her daughter's tell-all with her own book
-Gianni Tucci (Don Novello) doesn't sing Ireland's music in the original language
-Two Jones Cable Installers- the "brothers" (AMH) & (DAW) can get you a special deal
-(host) is called out for trying to pick (RAQ)'s nose during panel discussion
-Business Beat- panelists are literal examples of workplace cliches
-undead (host) receives guidance from his old girlfriend's mother (JOC)
March 22, 1986-George Wendt & Francis Ford Coppola
*Lorne Michaels tells cast that NBC has brought in Francis to direct tonight's SNL
-The Honeymooners, The Lost Episodes- Ralph (George) punches Alice (NOD)
-Francis' bad camera switches screw up a Mystery Playhouse sketch
-Francis interrupts That Black Girl as he wants more realism from set & DAV
-fish market owner (George) tries to unload a mistakenly-delivered whale
-Francis nearly quits when AMH gets shot during a too-real Vietnam sketch
April 12, 1986-Oprah Winfrey
*servant DAV tells Lorne Michaels to beat host for refusing black stereotype material
-Lookin' At America through John Cougar-Mellencamp's (RDJ) eyes & hair
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- host gives some tips on how to run a talk show
-(host) finds out that her daughter Cabrini Green (DAV) is pregnant
-The Wart Hog (RAQ)- world's greatest detective wins Most Grotesque award
-Actors on Film- The Color Purple amazed Jimmy Chance (RDJ) & Ashley Ashley (NOD)
-Craig Sundberg, Idiot Savant (AMH) helps create a high-strength adhesive
-The Cute Shop is filled with stuffed animals, but it's actually a trap
-waitress One-Shoe Emma (DAV) is humble, but longs for what she's been missing
April 19, 1986-Tony Danza
*RAQ's Vietnam tale scares eager AMH & RDJ out of wanting to go to Libya
-AT&T spokesman Cliff Robertson (RAQ) abuses his phone in angry breakdown
-Nancy Reagan (TES) demonstrates her fitness routine to trainer (host)
-Queen Elizabeth (JOC) sells heroin to Henry Kissinger (Al Franken) & (host)
-a 30-second count rule extends a match between boxers (AMH) & (host)
-Big-Time Professional Golf- upcoming games are promoted wrestling-style
-(JOC)'s pillow talk confirms whether (host) loves her unconditionally
-Master Thespian (JOL) tells about the time he performed for the Queen
-at bar's open mike night, Biff (JOL) gains confidence to do "butt dancing" song
May 10, 1986-Catherine Oxenberg & Paul Simon
*Paul performs "You Can Call Me Al"
-prisoners (Paul) & (JOL) try to escape despite being shackled to a wall
-The Late Show with Joan Rivers (TES)- Roger Vadim's ex-wives fight back
-The Limits of the Imagination- Paul's hell is Muzak versions of his songs
-former CIA operative Dirk Landers (RDJ) is killed by stranger (Catherine)
-producer Tommy Flanagan (JOL) shares lies with an "actress" (Catherine)
-drowsy waitress (NOD) recommends Brim Decaffeinated to sleepy (RAQ)
May 17, 1986-Jimmy Breslin
*AMH & manager Tommy Flanagan (JOL) weigh-in for upcoming match with Marvin Hagler [real]
-a USA sub has Kaddafi in its sights, but Ronald Reagan (RAQ) can't act
-between twisters, Tornadoville residents (RAQ) & (AMH) chat
-Midday- advice from Bond villains Goldfinger (host), Blofeld (JOL) & Largo (RAQ)
-the crybaby rebel cop Lone Wolf McCord (RAQ) decides to quit
-The Pat Stevens (NOD) Show- driving exercises make Pulitzer winner host walk off
-at school assembly, Cabrini Green (DAV) sings a song to prevent teen pregnancy
May 24, 1986-Anjelica Huston & Billy Martin
*Hands Across America participants won't let one-legged runner (RAQ) pass
-Moments of Doubt- (RAQ) & (Anjelica) silently worry about uncertainties
-a sketch pulled from last week's show excessively glamorizes drinking
-Actors on Film- Jimmy Chance (RDJ) & Ashley Ashley (NOD) praise Top Gun
-Maerose Prizzi (Anjelica) reads some Hallmark Organized Crime Cards
-both (JOC) & her fiancé (RDJ) are picked up by lesbians in a bar
-Book Minute- (DAV) reads nursery rhymes for inner-city children
-loud talk of Patti LaBelle (TES) & aunt her (DAV) irritates moviegoers
-Lorne Michaels fires Billy after he shows up drunk for a Colonel Sanders sketch
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