September 24, 1983-"Eddie Murphy Pre-Show"
-James Brown's Celebrity Hot Tub Party- Godfather of Soul (EDM) gets in
|aired 11/5/83|
-Gumby (EDM) directs the movie version of his life story
|aired 11/5/83|
-Mister Robinson's (EDM) Neighborhood- a nutrition lesson from stolen groceries
|aired 11/12/83|
-Blaire (JOP) gets upset when he sees Dion Dion (EDM) kissing customer (ROD)
|aired 11/12/83|
-Buckwheat's (EDM) ghost appears when publishers want tell-all book from Alfalfa (MAG)
|aired 1/14/84|
-Michael Jackson (EDM) says "Nice Boys Don't Get Girls Pregnant"
|aired 1/14/84|
-Mister Robinson's (EDM) Neighborhood- the dognaper shows how to ransom a pooch
|aired 1/21/84|
-(EDM) uses dynamite to get women, but Dr. Joyce Brothers [real] disapproves
|aired 1/28/84|
-a couple realizes they forgot to tell people hiding in the attic WWII's over
|aired 3/17/84|
-menage-a-trois seekers (JIB) & (MAG) find (EDM)'s involved with a couple
|aired 4/14/84|
October 8, 1983-Brandon Tartikoff
*TIK, MAG & EDM break into host's office to see how he got himself on the show
-James Watt (JOP) is depressed because minority groups don't like him
-Jazz Riffs- sax player (EDM) admits he does weddings & parties for money
-Feln's (JOP) Discount Food & Clothing Warehouse sells things to wear & eat
-Gumby (EDM) & Pokey (JOP) rehearse a scene for their reunion show
-Larry's (BRH) Corner contains duck noise, nasal milk & thirsty guy synchrony
-suspicious-looking (TIK) rents a gun from a sporting goods store
-diner owner Ethel (MAG) takes a series of tragedies in stride
October 15, 1983-Danny DeVito & Rhea Perlman
*Andie (JLD) tries on a pair of Calvin Klein Cream Pies
-Mister Robinson's (EDM) Neighborhood- the products of sleeping around show up
-discount psychiatrist Crazy Edelman’s (JOP) prices are insane
-What Would Frank Do?- Dion Dion (EDM) plays on Sinatra's (JOP) game show
-It's A Small World riders panic when their boat breaks down in the tunnel
-Odyssey of a Paperclip- why mom warns "you don't know where it's been"
-a teacher (Rhea) insists that all in-class conversation be "en Espanol"
-autograph seekers (TIK) (Rhea) (Danny) compare notes at stage door
-Book Beat- a stalker's (Danny) works appear to have a common theme
-Amos 'n' Andy Show- the new version features (EDM) & Andy Rooney (JOP)
-Masterpiece Humor- the final episode of "A Kangaroo Walks Into A Bar"
-mourners attack a negligent bodyguard (ROD) at a politician's funeral
October 22, 1983-John Candy
*JIB's friend host hasn't shown up yet but Mr. Mambo (host) lifts his spirits
-Doc Edmund (EDM) uses country medications for broken leg & baby delivery
-Village of the Damned Little Rascals- Miss Crabtree's (ROD) class is evil
-a priest (host) uses adjacent phone booths to hear (JIB)'s confession
-Ronald McDonald (JOP) shows his nasty side in his dressing room
-Poly-Rock denture cream lets old musicians play guitar with their teeth
-(JIB) becomes the millionth customer at Candace's (host) Fantasy Shack
-prison cellmates (host) & (JIB) bicker like a married couple
November 5, 1983-Betty Thomas
*spacesuit-wearing Jesse Jackson (JOP) announces his run for president
-Memorex video tape captures FBI's close framing of Lee Iacocca (JOP)
-Elvis look-alike (JOP) auditions for role of Curly in a 3 Stooges tribute
-You Win A Dollar- (JIB) endures dangerous stunts in vain hope for a buck
-Perfectly Frank- ad executive (JOP) subliminally seduces psychologist (host)
-(JIB) dances in a Flashdance-style version of Swan Lake
-(ROD) goes into labor during Jane Fonda's (host) pregnancy workout
-at a support group meeting, transsexuals miss their former male lives
November 12, 1983-Teri Garr
*pom-pom girls teach some unusual cheers to the new girl (host)
-Thirsty Guy birth control sponge is designed for the quicker picker-upper
-The Real Story- obnoxious Abraham Lincoln (JOP) provokes assassination
-educational film narrator Dwight MacNamara (GAK) speaks at an assembly
-caffeine achiever host gets increasingly agitated while making commercial
-Marilyn Monroe (host) gives JFK (JOP) advice about the Berlin crisis
-a nun's (MAG) sarcasm gets her in trouble with Father Alexander (TIK)
-(GAK) claims his wife (JLD) will turn him into a rabbit when they get home
November 19, 1983-Jerry Lewis
*during heart surgery, host dreams that Dean Martin (JOP) is his doctor
-The Forum- people say where they were when they heard JFK had been shot
-host watches (TIK) dub King of Comedy into French as if it were slapstick
-Rosemary Clooney (JIB) advertises the praises of Cornet paper products
-Entertainment Tonight- interviews with host & other celebrities
-skydivers (host) & (EDM) realize there's only one parachute while falling
-Fascinating People & Their Friends- a Jewish Football Leaguer (host) is interviewed
-on Larry's (BRH) Corner, the luckiest man on Earth (GAK) loses his claim to fame
-a rebellious college freshman (JLD) is home for a tense Thanksgiving meal
-Gusty (JIB) sings a song in honor of the whales
December 3, 1983-The Smothers Brothers
*rain delay in the studio prevents the show from beginning
-Crisis Game '83- John Glenn (Tom) & Jesse Jackson (EDM) react to problems
-Know Your Neighbor- (JLD) describes Hanukkah traditions as (JIB) laughs
-Tom Carvel (JOP) discovers (TIK)’s erotic holiday ice cream franchise
-Dream Land- (JIB) can't decipher (MAG)'s obvious sexual fantasy about him
-terrible garage band auditions for record company representative (Dick)
-(Tom) has to make repeated trips to get Dick's autograph for his wife (MAG)
December 10, 1983-Flip Wilson
*Blaire (JOP) is amused when Dion Dion's (EDM) mother Geraldine (host) visits the salon
-sleazy couple (ROD) & (JOP) exchange Christmas presents & cheap jokes
-passenger (BRH) is annoyed by attendant (host) in cramped airplane restroom
-Hello, Trudy!- (JIB)’s call-in show's sole viewer Trudy asks (JOP) dumb questions
-Older Sisters of the Young- Mary Tyler Moore (MAG) makes an adoption appeal
-at Christmastime, Solomon (EDM) & Pudge (JOP) discuss shoes & feet
-a reverend's (host) parishioners agree with him until he asks for money
-Crazy Weinstein (JIB) isn't selling anything, he's just insane
-Walter (GAK) insists he can make a living by only tying host's shoelaces
-classical station ad is (TIK)'s relief from clashing subway radio music
January 14, 1984-Father Guido Sarducci
*JOP & MAG announce & explain the SNL National Phone-In Democratic Primary
-Linda Ronstadt (JLD) answers the musical question "What's New", it’s not her
-(JOP) admits incest so times like these are made for Tasteless Choice
-The Man Who Loved Swimmin'- movie shows how host keeps his chastity vow
-after host's flight is delayed, TransEastern employee (JIB) gets friendly
January 21, 1984-Michael Palin
*JOP is upset that they gave him Charlie Chan makeup for a Donahue sketch
-Boy George Burns (JIB), The Man & His Music is a strange TV special
-Lorne Greene (JOP) for Powerful Living dog snacks talks nutrition & religion
-(host) tries to lease an apartment that contains a main-on-chain (JIB)
-Mick Pitwhistle Does It All- (host)’s singing is bad in many genres
-That's Okay- (BRH) is forced to perform his lethal skill for (JOP)
-(host) is the owner of the House of Mutton sheep-themed restaurant
-(host) says "don't worry about the whales, save all those poor plankton"
-Life on the Mississippi- riverboat captain (host) is mentor for (GAK)
January 28, 1984-Don Rickles
*Ronald Reagan (JOP) says "vote for me, Ronco's TV President"
-I Married A Monkey- Madge is having an affair with (host)
-The Hamlisch Maneuver- Marvin's (JOP) nauseating songs stop choking
-(host) receive no help from the the FBI's witness relocation program
-during Romeo & Juliet sketch, host breaks character to bicker with JOP
-(MAG) & (JLD) fight for the right to kiss loser El Dorko (GAK)
-This Is Your Afterlife- (GAK) makes suicidal comedian (host) want to live
February 11, 1984-Robin Williams
*at the Winter Olympics, JOP interviews bobsledders (host) (EDM) (JIB)
-Rock & Roll & Then Some- Clarence Walker (EDM) proves he was the 5th Beatle
-Wild Kingdom Of Heaven- an evangelical veterinarian (host) heals pets
-Gandhi & The Bandit- a movie about the truckin' man of peace (TIK)
-Firing Line- William F. Buckley (host) asks (EDM) about flammable blacks
-(BRH) is fed up with having a mime (host) for a roommate
-babies (host), (EDM), (ROD) & (TIK) plan an escape from their playpen
-MTV News- an interview with musicians The Ugly Sisters Step (MAG) & (ROD)
-odd couple Siamese twins (JIB) & (host) try to pick up women in a bar
-(JLD) & (TIK) live 30 seconds ahead and behind the present respectively
February 18, 1984-Jamie Lee Curtis
*JIB raps & breakdances to celebrate the fact that it's Saturday Night
-a video store employee (EDM) acts out scenes from movies not in stock
-on a date with contest winner El Dorko (GAK), host discovers he's a good kisser
-The Julia Show- self-absorbed JLD dominates interview with host & EDM
-during a workout, Ronald Reagan (JOP) can't find anything to watch on TV
-(host) & (JIB) verbally rehearse a love scene they're doing together
-passengers of Persons Express economy airline are treated as cargo
-host & (GAK) rehearse their parts in a horror-based Broadway musical
-Where Are They Now?- Pete Best (BRH) is still upset over Beatle ejection
February 25, 1984-Edwin Newman
*Dion Dion (EDM) & Blaire (JOP) decide what to do about host's lack of hair
-Jesse Jackson (EDM) tries to please Jews by singing "Hymietown"
-host corrects a suicide hotline caller's (ROD) grammar
-host bets Tom Snyder (JOP) that he can make BRH an anchorman a la My Fair Lady
-Speaking Freely- host interviews James Brown (EDM)
-ex-gunfighter Kid Halpern (host) teaches (GAK) the tricks of the trade
-Urban Answers- gang leaders (BRH) & (host) talk about their conflicts
-old men (JOP) & (EDM) remember the days when everything cost a nickel
-Face The Press- (JIB) murders panelists who mention his links to the mob
-Jacoby Escort Service- (ROD) & (MAG) guarantee absolutely no sex
March 17, 1984-Billy Crystal
*on St. Patrick's day, Siobhan Cahill (MAG) finds Purim celebrators
-representative of fake college (BIC) makes secret pitch to high schoolers
-Ronald Reagan (JOP) asks Sammy Davis Jr. (BIC) for campaign influence
-Bad Career Moves- Herve Villechaise (BIC) says why he quit Fantasy Island
-in Heaven, JFK (BIC) is upset that Gary Hart is copying his style
-The Womb- a play about a mother (MAG) & daughter (JLD) relationship
April 7, 1984-Michael Douglas
*Karl Malden (JOP) provides host with an American Express Traveler’s Script
-Nina Blackwood (JLD) does the MTV music news for The Garage Band's "Look At Our Video"
-Price (TIK) & Waterhouse (JIB) choose who they think should win Oscars
-(host) auditions 33-year-old (MAG) for a kid's role in a play
-Footless- rebel (BRH) moves to a town in which there are no feet
-(host) goes to a psychiatrist to seek relief from his personal soundtrack
-Shelley Winters (ROD) & Kirk Douglas (host) show debate bloopers
April 14, 1984-George McGovern
*60 Minutes- ten years in the future, (TIK) interviews Richard Nixon (JOP)
-Ronald Reagan (JOP) advertises Very, Very Hungry Man Dinners
-circus trampoliner (JIB) in the apartment below ruins (MAG)'s date with (TIK)
-Direct Hits- updated songs reflect America's military muscle
-Cosmos- Carl Sagan (GAK) shows universe where host won '72 election
-Book Beat- archeologist's (host) discovery makes (BRH)'s book worthless
-Walter (GAK) & his wife (ROD) are fed up with his less successful brother host
May 5, 1984-Barry Bostwick
*MAG & JLD act out a simulated cat fight to arouse the male viewers
-(JIB)'s extensive criminal record is revealed by a lie detector test
-Iceman- unfrozen greaser (host) sings "Waking Up Is Hard To Do"
-lab teleportation mishap turns (JLD) into The Turkey Lady (ROD)
-La Cage Aux Folles- Rick Springfield (host) wishes he was "Jessie's Girl"
-Dog Day P.M.- canine filmmaker (host) discusses being mistreated by humans
May 12, 1984-Ed Koch, Betty Thomas, Father Guido Sarducci, Edwin Newman & Billy Crystal
*Sammy Davis, Jr. (BIC) breakdances & sings with Frank Sinatra (JOP)
-Father Guido Sarducci & Willie Nelson (JIB) join to do an album of duets
-Mayor Koch's Neighborhood- Ed takes the opportunity to advertise his book
-Mikko's Got Your Nose Safety Guard prevents accidental child nose rips
-nerdy oral surgeon's (GAK) dating service tape is music video-like
-the Three Stooges (GAK) (JOP) (TIK) teach a women's self-defense class
-Hello, Trudy!- Edwin nearly jeopardizes the future of (JIB)’s show
-(BIC) waiters as Godzilla terrorizes a Japanese restaurant
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