September 28, 1991-Michael Jordan
*Wayne's World- Wayne (MIM) & Garth (DAC) pick the best & worst of the summer of '91
-The First Black Harlem Globetrotter (host) helps integrate basketball
-host joins Bob Swerski (George Wendt) & other Super Fans in a Bulls good luck ritual
-Daily Affirmation- Stuart (Al Franken) unnecessarily inspires confidence in host
-The Dark Side- LaToya Jackson (VIJ) & Spike Lee [real] visit Nat X's (CSR) show
-Tales From The Barbecue- how grilling pork helped defeat a Nazi submarine
-one of the elevator fans (DAC) sings "The Star-Spangled Banner" for host
October 5, 1991-Jeff Daniels
*The Tonight Show- Johnny Carson (DAC) gets loose on final anniversary show
-Richard Laymer (ROS) faces name-manipulation competition from (host)
-Community College Bowl- students are unable to answer easy questions
-The Chris Farley Show- CHF recalls scenes during an interview with host
-boss (PHH) asks novelty item creator (host) about his unconventional gags
-Simon (MIM)- drawings document summer camp infirmary stay & barbecue fire
-Real Life With Jane Pauley (JUS)- (host) is much dumber than his wife (SIF)
-(DAC), (KEN) & (host) blatantly bad-mouth their supposed buddies
October 12, 1991-Kirstie Alley
*senators question Clarence Thomas (TIM) & give him some harassing tips
-affectionate Italians serve the Kirpatricks (host) & (KEN) at a restaurant
-androgynous Pat (JUS) receives birthday greetings from parent Francys (host)
-Their Eyes Were On Their Breasts!- female aliens distract male earthlings
-Coffee Talk- Linda Richman (MIM) & (host) are big Barbra Streisand fans
-Psycho Divorced Mother (host) damns the phone company & cable company to Hell
-possessions of James (DAC) & Mollie (host) chatter in Look Who’s Talking sequel
October 26, 1991-Christain Slater
*The McLaughlin (DAC) Group- John McLaughlin [real] takes over a Halloween parody
-despite repeated warnings, (host) orders the Super Fire Hot chicken wings
-Dysfunctional Family Feud- troubled clan competes against well-adjusted group
-every male at Club Banana individually hits on a woman through dance
-The Curse Of The Wolf Man- (host)'s transformation is described step-by-step
-Young Actors Forum- host & other heartthrobs have slept with many actresses
-Pumping Up With Hans (DAC) & Franz (KEN)- Arnold Schwarzenegger [real] trains kids
-host plugs Nich-Aid hair dryers for hands-free Jack Nicholson impression
November 2, 1991-Kiefer Sutherland
*defense attorney (KEN) selects jurors for the William Kennedy Smith trial
-debating Democrats criticize themselves to avoid George Bush matchup
-Whose Ass Should I Kiss?- contestants try to climb the corporate ladder
-Stuart Rankin (MIM) & his brother (host) brawl at the All Things Scottish store
-Kiddie Metal- Axl Rose (ADS) & Slash (host) perform songs from the album for kids
-Daily Affirmation- a visit from Stuart's (Al Franken) idea-stealing cousin Leon (host)
-(host) serves as the conversation middleman for phone-illiterate (KEN)
-I'm Chillin'- Onski (CSR) plugs 168th Street Spring Water with mother joke prizes
November 16, 1991-Linda Hamilton
*Louisiana governor's race loser David Duke (DAC) gives concession speech
-Sarah (host) & John (Edward Furlong) Connor try to escape The Tooncinator
-health club employee (host) tries to customize a workout for androgynous Pat (JUS)
-Massive Headwound Harry's (DAC) scalp gore ruins (host)'s cocktail party
-women try to intimidate "buff" host by challenging her to barroom brawls
-The Chris Farley Show- CHF awkwardly interviews Martin Scorsese [real]
-at a restaurant, baby talk of (DAC) & (host) makes (JUS) & (PHH) uneasy
November 23, 1991-Macaulay Culkin
*host wants to do the show by himself after Lorne Michaels sends him to his dressing room
-Bob Swerski (George Wendt) brings his daughter Denise (BEC) to the Super Fan Thanksgiving meal
-Richard Laymer (ROS) has a flashback of himself (host) in Catholic school
-Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer- Cirroc (PHH) implores his outlook to the jury
-Simon (MIM)- fellow neglectee Trevor (host) shows some of his work
-Lex Luthor (PHH) & Superman (KEN) think Young Superboy (host) is adorable
-Daily Affirmation- visiting nephew (host) bugs serious Stuart (Al Franken) with joke
-U.S. Fon doesn't offer caller ID as too much information can be a bad thing
-medieval scalder (CHF) bonds with his son (host) while abusing peasants
December 7, 1991-MC Hammer
*to help the economy, George Bush (DAC) suggests items for consumers
-(host) is ridiculed at a support group meeting for people with bad haircuts
-(PHH) is baffled that the press doesn't think Pearl Harbor is front-page news
-Tales From The Barbecue- how shortribs of a flying cow saved Santa (host)
-Johnny Letter (MIM) uses strong writing skills to exact revenge on others
-Remembrances Of Love- (ELC) & Wilt Chamberlain (host) have a brief fling
-Dick Clark's receptionist (DAS) won't let anyone in to see the boss
December 14, 1991-Steve Martin
*the cast is inspired when host sings "Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight"
-Suckerpunch- (host) delivers blows to contestants without warning
-doormen (ROS) & (KEN) fantasize about wearing building tenants' panties
-Theatre Stories- British actors & Mickey Rooney (DAC) talk about the past
-Live With Regis (DAC) & Kathie Lee- Joy Philbin (JUS) & host are sidelined
-(BEC) & (CHF) visit cat fur-covered apartment of Grandma Pugga (host)
-The Dark Side- Nat X (CSR) has some words for Michael Jackson (CSR)
January 11, 1992-Rob Morrow
*Oliver Stone (PHH) sees conspiracy in George Bush's (DAC) barfing incident
-partygoers' game of strip poker fails to indicate androgynous Pat's (JUS) sex
-Delta Delta Delta sorority sisters Pam (BEC), Di (MEH) & Meg (SIF) gossip
-lonesome cowboys (host) (PHH) (DAC) musically resolve to better themselves
-(host) tries various money-making schemes involving Lenin's body (MIM)
-at the pearly gates, (DAC) is questioned in small talk about movies
-Chris Rock's White Person's Guide To Surviving The Apollo helped (host) & (SIF)
-at a pizza parlor, insulting names are a natural part of teens' banter
-(host) repeatedly comes up with clever comments about 15 seconds too late
January 18, 1992-Chevy Chase
*Wayne's (MIM) World- the top ten bad things about the fall of communism
-Adopt A Pet- (CHC) & (VIJ) try to unload some unappealing animals
-aide (PHH) helps George Bush (DAC) through uncomfortable campaign stop
-Jeffrey Dahmer's (CHC) lawyers (PHH) & (KEN) know insanity plea will work
-Bob Swerski's (George Wendt) Quiz Masters- Super Fans on Bears & Bulls trivia game show
-at a Van Morrison concert, (MEH)'s dancing blocks (JUS)'s view
-Sephardic Jews (CHC) & (ROS) sell big & tall & short & small clothing
February 8, 1992-Susan Dey
*L.A. Law- Richard Laymer (ROS) creates nicknames for Grace Van Owen (host)
-(PHH) tries to convince jury that Mike Tyson's penis size isn't relevant
-The Arakawa Group- Japanese version of McLaughlin bashes lazy Americans
-The Sensitive Naked Man (ROS) tries to find out what's bothering (host)
-Laurie (host) & Partridges vs. Jan (MEH) & Bradys in battle of the bands
-on a blind date, (MIM) & (host) make their points semi-verbally
-(MIM) & (DAC) discuss irony while repeatedly trading janitor & executive roles
-museum visitors make personal confessions while contemplating a painting
February 15, 1992-Jason Priestly
*medal-contending figure skater (host) has a tumbling Olympic performance
-The Life & Times of Johnny Hildo (host)- unfortunate name causes grief
-Sprockets- (host)’s choices include shemale Susan (PHH) on Love Werks dating game
-The Arsenio Hall (CSR) Show- The New Kids On The Block respond to critics
-Beverly Hills 90120- students are distressed over zip code unification
-domestic violence defines song lyrics of La Tour (TIM) & Johnson (ELC)
-(host) passes oddball tests given by fiancé’s (BEC) father (PHH)
-while robbing a bank in a black neighborhood, (host) & (DAC) deny racism
February 22, 1992-Roseanne & Tom Arnold
*New Hampshire primary taught George Bush (DAC) that "You're pissed!"
-Dick Clark's receptionist (DAS) keeps Roseanne & Jesus (PHH) waiting
-Coffee Talk- Linda (MIM) & friend Liz (Madonna) praise Barbra Streisand [real]
-Tall Tales of the Recession- (DAC) tells story of the Fast-Firing CEO (Tom)
-Pam (BEC), Di (MEH) & Meg (SIF) welcome new Delta Delta Delta sorority sister (Roseanne)
-A Star Is Born- Tom’s rise to fame & relationship with Roseanne wrecks her career
-Daily Affirmation- Stuart (Al Franken) dislikes sister's (Roseanne) abusive ex (Tom)
March 14, 1992-John Goodman
*Jerry Brown (DAC), Paul Tsongas (Al Franken) & Bill Clinton (PHH) attend Star Trek convention
-Unforgivable- album of Natalie Cole (ELC) "duets" with deceased singers
-My 75 Kids- sperm doctor Cecil Jacobson (host) deals with his offspring
-Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer- Cirroc (PHH) acts gullible in front of City Council
-Theatre Stories- Katharine Hepburn (SIF) & others recall performances
-teen dermatologist Anton Mesrobian (host) discovers true causes of acne
-country singer (host) seeks catchier name from agent Schlomo Fuchs (PHH)
-sauna-goer (host) interrupts a meeting about the assassination of Caesar
March 21, 1992-Mary Stuart Masterson
*The McLaughlin (DAC) Group- Pat Buchanan (PHH) returns to the panel
-(CHF) & very pregnant undercover cop (host) perform a drug bust
-even Lyle Billup's (DAC) wife (JUS) & daughter (host) think he's a homosexual
-Pam (BEC), Di (MEH) & Meg (SIF) don't like how the real world has changed alum (host)
-the makers of Monster Spray prey on kids' irrational nighttime fears
-inner-city school teacher (KEN) tries to figure out who's shooting him
-Colosseum events committee brainstorms ideas for gladiator contests
-(PHH) thinks that money given to homeless (CHF) might be spent on booze
April 11, 1992-Sharon Stone
*Wayne's (MIM) World- the annual Best & Worst of the Oscars are announced
-intimidated (CHF) & (ADS) babble while hitting on (host) in a bar
-(KEN) can't lose himself in sex-game role playing with his wife (host)
-Flippy The Flipping Chihuahua annoys neighbors & is run over by Toonces
-Basic Instinct interrogation scene doesn't detect sex of androgynous Pat (JUS)
-male airport security guards abuse their authority & make (host) undress
-shopkeeper (CSR) criticizes his wife (ELC) with verbal insults
-Phil Hartman Creations- PHH demonstrates the many uses of his wigs
-(PHH) & his fiancé (host) discuss their pornography-based lives
April 18, 1992-Jerry Seinfeld
*Bill Clinton (PHH) & Jerry Brown (DAC) agree on off-limit debate topics
-Stand-Up & Win- hack comics compete on observational humor game show
-high school history teacher (host) struggles to teach class about WWII
-obnoxious Elijah the Prophet (host) shows up at a Passover Seder
-TIM is a product of Lank Thompson's (MIM) "I'm A Handsome Black Man" course
-office workers maintain their body postures while performing their jobs
-I'm Chillin'- Onski (CSR) plugs Bullet Hole Tampons & delivers a mother joke
-(PHH) explores Superman's (host) abilities & faults in a radio interview
May 9, 1992-Tom Hanks
*Ross Perot (DAC) offers to base his presidential salary on America's GNP
-Los Angeles car dealer (ROS) announces sale on riot-damaged autos
-Sabra Price Is Right- merchant of cheap goods (host) haggles with contestants
-(host) moderates meeting of obsessive fans at The Mr. Belvedere Fan Club
-She Turned Into Her Mother!!- (JUS) takes on the traits of her mom
-The Dark Side- Nat X (CSR) argues with disguised Rodney King trial jurors
-Showcase Playhouse Theater- (MIM) & (JUS) grow up wanting to fly
May 16, 1992-Woody Harrelson
*The Tonight Show- late walk-ons ruin Johnny Carson's (DAC) last show
-(host) encourages grotesque-bodied beachgoers to take off their shirts
-Sprockets- (host)'s EuroTrash theme park is a response to EuroDisney
-Pam (BEC), Di (MEH) & Meg (SIF) don't want to give their notes to Sigma Chi frat bros
-lonesome cowboys (host) (PHH) (DAC) sing about how they're proud they're not minorities
-politically incorrect P.I. (KEN) looks into abortion clinic vandalism
-The Sensitive Naked Man (ROS) attends a baseball game with his son
-(VIJ) unintentionally sets examples of what expectant mothers shouldn't do
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