September 27, 1997-Sylvester Stallone
*Oprah (TIM)- Marv Albert (NOM) discusses his unusual sexual practices
-Rita Delvecchio (CHO) is excited when husband (host) brings home a new Cadillac
-car wreck victim (NOM) bashes host's career when he comes to help
-Roxbury Guys (WIF) & (CHK) take Rocky (host) on the town & teach him how to dance
-Janet Reno (WIF) examines Bill Clinton's (DAH) fund-raising charges
-Orange Julius holdover (host) waits on customer (WIF) in computer store
-at Planet Hollywood opening, fans (JMB) & (TRM) excessively bother host
-Lou's (host) Lovely Daughters homely (ANG), (MOS) & Maria (CHO) need men
-Elton John's (WIF) album features More Songs I Wrote To Honor Dead People
October 4, 1997-Matthew Perry
*hoping to become real Spartans, Craig (WIF) & Arianna (CHO) practice for tryouts
-Celebrity Jeopardy!- Michael Keaton (host) John Travolta (DAH), Burt Reynolds (NOM) are inept
-students in (host)'s Sarcasm 101 class get first-hand irony experience
-The Ladies' Man- old-fashioned player Leon Phelps (TIM) takes some calls
-Space, The Infinite Frontier- Harry Caray (WIF) drifts into sci-fi
-MTV News- Goat Boy (JMB) sings with Willie Nelson (WIF) & Julio Iglesias (host)
-host doesn't care for COQ's foppish Chandler characterization in Friends sketch
-Good Morning With Liza! (MOS)- the unstable actress is loopy to Woody Allen (host)
October 18, 1997-Brendan Fraser
*in her bedroom, girlish Janet Reno (WIF) has a Bill Clinton (DAH) fantasy
-fight between Xena (MOS) & Urswina (host) contains hints of lesbianism
-Issues- stoners (host) & Jeff (JMB) lose focus when topic's not legal pot
-Margaret Jo (ANG) & Terry (MOS) talk gourds with controversial squash expert (host)
-Frank Gifford (DAH) mixes NFL & personal matters during a broadcast
-Colette Reardon (CHO) explains her medication needs to pharmacist (host)
-Biography- Jack Perkins (DAH) drinks during Courtney Love (MOS) profile
-(host) becomes obsessed with enchanting male stripper Mango (CHK)
October 25, 1997-Chris Farley
*testimonials of TIM & CHC persuade skeptical Lorne Michaels to let CHF return to SNL
-Morning Latte- Tom (WIF) & Cass (CHO) trade bland personal anecdotes
-at a school dance, (CHF) boogies with wallflower Mary Katherine Gallagher (MOS)
-Martha Stewart (ANG) tells how to carefully plan your Halloween tricks
-Matt Foley (CHF) tries to inspire a health club exercise cycle workout class
-Goth Talk- Circe (MOS) & Azrael (CHK) are annoyed by his brother Glen (JMB) & (CHF)
-Sally Jessy Raphael (ANG)- teen mom (CHO) can't control her giant baby (CHF)
-drunk Hank Williams, Jr. (CHF) is ridiculed while recording Monday Night Football intros
-Weather Scope- pro wrestler El Nino (CHF) challenges hurricanes to rumble
November 8, 1997-Jon Lovitz
*Bill Gates (CHK), Bill Clinton (DAH) & other media tycoons fight for airwaves
-Michael Vale (JOL) wants to control the fate of his Dunkin' Donuts character
-Ross Perot (DAC) crashes Larry King's (NOM) star-filled wedding reception
-MTV contest winner (JOL) can't stand living in a cabin with Jewel (ANG)
-The Ladies' Man- Leon (TIM) sips on wine & expresses his affection for Delta Burke
-Late Show with David Letterman (NOM)- Marv Albert (JOL) shows home movie
-The Robin Byrd (CHO) Show- porn actress & adult film industry guests chat
-British pop artists aim to help Louise Woodward by singing "Set Our Nanny Free!"
November 15, 1997-Claire Danes
*Bill (DAH) reluctantly gives Hillary (ANG) Clinton a chance to speak
-defense attorney Barry Scheck’s (NOM) infamous clients visit his home
-The View- Barbara Walters (CHO) & panelists consider issues superficially
-(host)'s parents Marty (WIF) & Bobbi (ANG) embarrass her at college with a medley
-jealous Tinkerbell (host) rants excessively at Peter Pan (CHK) & Wendy (ANG)
-(WIF) & (host) attempt to release Mr. Peepers (CHK) back into the wild
-teens (host), (CHO), (MOS) & (ANG) adore moguls of CEO Dreamboats magazine
-Southern tourists (host) (MOS) (CHO) (ANG) visit a restaurant in France
November 22, 1997-Rudy Giuliani
*COQ tries to get overly-dramatic host to return to his NYC roots
-Nightline- host taunts as Ted Koppel (DAH) befriends Saddam Hussein (WIF)
-Rita Delvecchio (CHO) & her mother (host) banter & prepare Thanksgiving dinner
-Mary Katherine Gallagher (MOS) delivers a monologue before winning spelling bee
-The Joe Pesci (JMB) Show- host's anti-mob measures creates friction
-NYC cabbie (host) complains to his passengers about Mayor Giuliani
-Janet Reno's (WIF) Dance Party- host & the attorney general fight in the ring
-Perspectives- David Dinkins supporter Lionel Osbourne (TIM) is cool toward host
December 6, 1997-Nathan Lane
*the McCaughey septuplets have fallen into a well & the media loves it
-Craig (WIF) & Arianna (CHO) dream they're popular and on the Spartans
-Chris Garnett (TIM) & easy-listening deejay (host) have a playlist duel
-History of Vaudeville- Weber (host) & Rose (CHK) did ethnic stereotypes
-Songs That Ruined Everything- album documents artistic conclusions
-theatre veteran Miss Milo (host) lectures dresser (WIF) about her craft
-ex-con Gene's (COQ) stint as a department store Santa doesn't go very well
December 13, 1997-Helen Hunt
*carolers Marty (WIF) & Bobbi (ANG) work pop songs into their Christmas medley
-Margaret Jo (ANG) & Terry (MOS) drink eggnog & welcome pastry chef (host)
-The Ladies' Man- Leon (TIM) & skank (host) take callers' love life questions
-major leaguers ruin youngster's (CHK) dream of becoming a baseball player
-therapist (host) advises Roxbury Guys (WIF) & (CHK) on how to interact with women
-skeletal Joan Rivers' fashion critiques upset Jodie Foster (host)
-vengeful (WIF) & (host) torture Hanson [real] by playing "MMMBop" repeatedly
January 10, 1998-Samuel L. Jackson
*Bill Clinton (DAH) plans to make a kick-ass movie with the budget surplus
-Publishers Clearing House visits the ghetto to award prize to (host)
-Jazzterpieces documents the rocky career of musical couple (host) & (ANG)
-Judge Judy (CHO)- personal trainer (host) sues former customer (ANG)
-fifth-class passengers (host) & (TRM) wait to be evacuated from the Titanic
-Mango (CHK) entrances an otherwise-heterosexual hard-core criminal (host)
-The Learning Annex can help you become a joyful, germ-free fake preacher
-Poolside Lovin'- dad's death leaves (CHK) not in the mood to get it on
January 17, 1998-Sarah Michelle Gellar
*Unabomber's (WIF) pitch to represent himself in court is unconvincing
-The View- Glenn Close (ANG) visits as Debbie Matenopoulos (host) is criticized
-counselor Dr. John Gray (NOM) doesn't fit his own gender stereotypes
-dysfunctional family (WIF) (ANG) (host) rant during a hypersensitive dinner
-at a pre-Olympics competition, bad girl Tara Lipinski (host) skates intensely
-Goth Talk- Circe (MOS) & Azrael (CHK) embarrasses rival, Countess Cobwella (host)
-The Robin Byrd (CHO) Show- anti-porn crusader (ANG) infiltrates panel
-plot shift in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (host) will fill the Seinfeld void
-teens (host) (MOS) (CHO) (ANG) gossip with Jonathan Taylor Thomas director (NOM)
February 7, 1998-John Goodman
*Linda Tripp (host) wears a wire during meeting with Monica Lewinsky (MOS)
-Morning Latte- chatter of Tom (WIF) & Cass (CHO) eventually causes (host) to snap
-at Mount Sinai, Bill Clinton (DAH) seeks adultery sin loophole from Moses (host)
-Brian Boitano (WIF) & Rudy Galindo (CHK) are hammy at Nagano Olympics
-Judge Judy (CHO)- (ANG) claims that Irwin Mainway's (DAA) toys are dangerous
-Martha Stewart (ANG) presents items to assist escaped Cubans
-a cobra terrorizes airline passengers (host) (ANG) (TIM)
-Storytellers- Neil Diamond (WIF) performs songs & reveals his wild muses
February 14, 1998-Roma Downey
*Monica Lewinsky (MOS) addresses Congress regarding Bill Clinton
-Marty (WIF) & Bobbi (ANG) renew their wedding vows & do a medley about their sex life
-Catherine the Great's (host) affair denial scandal has Clinton parallels
-Canadian snowboarder Ross Rebagliati (JMB) shows signs of Nagano weed use
-I'm Riding My Donkey Political Talk Show- experts defend the media on asses
-before her cousin's (host) wedding, bitter Fran (CHO) acts annoying & unpleasant
-The Ladies' Man- Leon (TIM) helps callers create Valentine's Day romance
-cousin Tina (host) gives romantic advice to homely (ANG), (MOS) & Maria (CHO)
February 28, 1998-Garth Brooks
*Bill Clinton (DAH) phones Saddam Hussein (WIF) & Monica Lewinsky (MOS)
-on the range, host claims kinship with real cowboys (WIF) (JMB) (TIM)
-host's career goes downhill after he falls under the spell of Mango (CHK)
-Oprah (TIM)- Monica Lewinsky (MOS) gossips about Bill Clinton oral sex
-Old French Whore!- prostitutes & high school students team up on game show
-Who's More Grizzled?!- desensitized (host) & (Robert Duvall) compete on game show
-Hey, Remember the 80's- Brian Setzer (CHK) & Kevin Rowland (host) reminisce
-trapped moviegoers try to survive an endless stream of Shelley Long trailers
-(WIF) visits (Robert Duvall)'s hospital bed to sing "Lay Lady Lay"
March 7, 1998-Scott Wolf
*Larry King (NOM) Live- Bill Clinton's (DAH) accusers appear via satellite
-T.G.I.Fridays star server (host) coaches trainee Mary Katherine Gallagher (MOS)
-The Celine Dion (ANG) Show- "the best voice in the world" upstages divas
-Party of Five- a black guy (TRM) gets involved with Bailey (host) & clan
-The 3rd Annual Reenactment Awards- dramatic re-creationists get their due
-host & Party of Five are old news to Titanic-obsessed Craig (WIF) & Arianna (CHO)
-Issues- on break from BYU, Jeff's (JMB) cousin (host) smokes for the first time
-coeds (CHO), (MOS) & (ANG) fall for dueling guitarists (host) & (CHK)
March 14, 1998-Julianne Moore
*prosecutor Kenneth Starr (WIF) stops Bill Clinton (DAH) to subpoena the sketch
-cultist (host) invites Margaret Jo (ANG) & Terry (MOS) to join her syrup farm compound
-The Ladies' Man- (host) assists Leon (TIM) in showing how to handle relationship stages
-Barbara Walters (CHO) Oscar Special- Matt Damon (JMB) & Ben Affleck (CHK) are interviewed
-Pretty Living- joyologist Helen (MOS) embraces her philosophy
-nude model Terence Maddox (WIF) grosses out students in art class
-Good Morning With Liza! (MOS)- Gillian Anderson (host) & Joel Grey (CHK) are welcomed
-shirtless Bible salesmen (WIF) & (TIM) throw non-sequiturs at (host)
April 4, 1998-Steve Buscemi
*viewer’s choice is Lewis Lapham [real] or farcical Bill Clinton (DAH) sketch
-truly mad Hatter (host) ruins tea party with Alice (MOS) & Hare (John Hurt)
-Morning Latte- Tom (WIF) & Cass (CHO) disappoint Grease superfan (host)
-Goth Talk- Circe (MOS) & Azrael (CHK) hold the Prom of Doom in high school boiler room
-Stuff We Made- (JMB) & (host) show their crappy & creepy constructions
-Judge Judy (CHO)- (ANG) & hip-hop dance instructor (host) prosecute
-outlandish (host) gives job interviewee (CHK) a baffling encounter
-Jim Halsey's (WIF) Truck Drivin' Museum- the Kenworth RX-40TD is profiled
April 11, 1998-Greg Kinnear
*Martha Stewart (ANG) shares Easter fun & a half-hearted nod to Passover
-Name That Dog- game show contestants try to guess the names of pooches
-Marty (WIF) & Bobbi (ANG) perform a drug medley for patients at a rehab center
-(CHO) endures obnoxious blind date's (host) compulsive need to high-five
-Thurmond Sykes (TRM) pitches House of Dogs as a source of dangerous mutts
-Ted Koppel (DAH) & his junkie younger brother (host) reunite & reconcile
-Captain Kidd (Bob Hoskins) makes (WIF) walk a really, really long plank
-The Robin Byrd (CHO) Show- fresh-faced (host) is victim of faulty booking
-Later reunion brings together host, Bob Costas (DAH) & thousands more
May 2, 1998-Matthew Broderick
*The Ladies' Man- Leon Phelps (TIM) takes calls & puts Viagra to the test
-The View- the ladies fawn over George Stephanopoulos (host)
-affectionate foreplay of Zimmermans’ (CHK) & (CHO) disturb (host) & (MOS) at dinner
-Pretty Living- joyologist Helen (MOS) brings her seashell craftsman boyfriend (host)
-The Celine Dion (ANG) Show- Shania Twain (MOS) & Gloria Estefan (host) are upstaged
-Tony Blair (host) hears British MPs' questions on Teletubbies & more
-(CHO), (host), (MOS) & (WIF) sing about their cool prom limo ride
-Comic Minds- the drug humor of Orbit (WIF) & Larry (TRM) was based on PCP
May 9, 1998-David Duchovny
*Janet Reno (WIF) expresses unrequited crush towards Mulder (host)
-(host) instructs Craig (WIF) & Arianna (CHO) at cheerleading camp
-Celebrity Jeopardy!- Sean Connery (DAH), Minnie Driver (MOS), Jeff Goldblum (host) are inept
-host is mesmerized by Mango (CHK) after saving his life
-Oprah (TIM)- Goat Boy (JMB) is reunited with his brother (host)
-From The Earth To The Area Around The Earth details a boring Shuttle mission
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