October 2, 2004-Ben Affleck
*first George W. Bush (WLF) vs. John Kerry (SEM) debate covers Iraq policies
-Debbie Downer (RAD) kills the festive mood at (host)'s birthday party
-James Carville (host) gives John Kerry (SEM) some campaign advice
-disaster strikes when mall shoppers overact on broken escalator
-obnoxious deejay's (host) inappropriate tunes derail a wedding reception
October 9, 2004-Queen Latifah
*undecided voters address debaters George W. Bush (WLF) & John Kerry (SEM)
-Prince (FRA) Show- Patti LaBelle (host) & Sharon Stone (AMP) chat
-vice-presidential candidates Dick Cheney (DAH) & John Edwards (WLF) debate
-high school basketball prodigy (FIM) picks between college or going pro
-St. Peter (HOS) feeds straight lines to Rodney Dangerfield (DAH)
-Starkisha (FIM) & (host) compete to register voters in a black neighborhood
-Dave 'Zinger' Klinger (SEM) & Dr. Sheila 'All Snaps' (host) trade insults
October 23, 2004-Jude Law
*Hardball- Ed Gillespie (SEM) smiles & Zell Miller (WLF) fumes
-actor (host) is lost while shooting extensively green screened movie
-George W. Bush (WLF) & John Kerry (SEM) rehash themes in ninth debate
-Tony Blair (host) follows George W. Bush's (WLF) lead at press conference
-Donald Trump (DAH) tapes a Halloween-themed promo for The Apprentice
-Jane Eyre's (RAD) employer Mr. Rochester (host) keeps booty call in the attic
-intoxicated Peter O'Toole (host) & Michael Caine (SEM) are nonsensical
October 30, 2004-Kate Winslet
*undecided voter Osama bin Laden (SEM) discusses the USA presidential election
-Rap Night- obese rapper Chubb Hotty (HOS) in duet with Norah Jones (host)
-creation (FRA) of husband-seeking Mrs. Dr. Frankenstein (host) is gay
-Bill Clinton (DAH) overshadows John Kerry (SEM) at a campaign rally
-at the mall, Kaitlin (AMP) has second thoughts about getting her ears pierced
-Goodwin Wig & Toy- Halloween-disliking Glenda Goodwin (MAR) has unscary costumes
-Tim Russert (DAH) & Tom Brokaw (CHP) consider colors for the electoral map
November 13, 2004-Liam Neeson
*victorious George W. Bush (WLF) wants John Kerry's (SEM) carefree life
-Star Jones (KET) takes phone calls on the eve of her wedding
-You Call This A House Do Ya?- a filthy Irish home receives a makeover
-(host)'s date with Phoebe (RAD) is disrupted by her large parrot (FRA)
-Wake Up San Diego- theme music delights presenters (host) & (MAR)
-Appalachian Emergency Room- bumpkins explain origins of medical crises
-stoner (host) tries to persuade cop (CHP) to loan him a drug-sniffing dog
November 20, 2004-Luke Wilson
*George W. Bush (WLF) fires Colin Powell (FIM) a la The Apprentice
-Debbie Downer (RAD) spoils Thanksgiving dinner with her depressing remarks
-The American Trainwreck Awards- pathetic celebrities celebrate their peers
-intimacy between old pals (host) & (ROR) creeps out wives (MAR) & (AMP)
-(host) threatens (SEM)'s claim of Coolest Teacher At Benton Township High School
-Donald & dog attend a state fair while The Falconer (WLF) & (host) are trapped
-as (host), (SEM) & (KET) get wasted, their banter repeats & escalates
December 11, 2004-Colin Farrell
*in Kuwait, poorly-equipped soldiers question Donald Rumsfeld (DAH)
-a very large & resistant roach (HOS) is loose in (host) & (AMP)'s apartment
-Show Biz Grande Explosion!- Bono's (host) use of Spanish bothers Fericito (FRA)
-airport security guard (AMP) gropes (host) during physical search
-at a key party, Carol (HOS) & other swingers tell their names & safe words
-on-the-job interview with window washer (KET) endangers TV reporter (host)
-Pat (HOS) 'N Patti (MAR) are back with their Slacks, Snacks & other rhyming items
-accent of Merv The Perv's (CHP) cousin Steve The Skeeve (host) charms women
December 18, 2004-Robert DeNiro
*Craig Fenson (host) reads more naughty-sounding names of suspected terrorists
-Pranksters- (host) views chainsaw dismemberment as wacky hijinks
-oblivious (host) wonders why his gay-acting son (SEM) hasn't married yet
-Prince (FRA) Show- host, Star Jones (KET) & Al Reynolds (FIM) celebrate Christmas
-Donald Trump (DAH) tapes a Christmas-themed promo for The Apprentice
-undercover (HOS) clumsily applies Italian stereotypes to infiltrate the mafia
-Christmas With The Cat Lady (host) consists of one-sided chats with felines
January 15, 2005-Topher Grace
*persuasive Bill Clinton (DAH) takes over George W. Bush's (WLF) press conference
-Trucker Talk- truck drivers mournbreakup of Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston
-black paramedics (KET) & (FIM) won't respond to emergencies on MLK Day
-Dan Rather (DAH) apologizes on CBS Evening Fraudulent Document Update
-(host) is uneasy about losing his virginity to elderly brothel worker (RAD)
-artsy Noony (FRA) & Nuni (MAR) welcome (host) & (RAD) to their home
-Hardball- Howard Dean (ROR), Armstrong Williams (KET) & Zell Miller (WLF) banter
-poor exchange rates cause foreign currency to mock the dollar (AMP)
January 22, 2005-Paul Giamatti
*George W. Bush's (WLF) daughters Jenna (AMP) & Barbara (TIF) chat in their room
-Barbara Boxer (AMP) questions Condoleezza Rice (MAR) at her confirmation hearing
-limo driver (FIM) is a Jamie Foxx fan but doesn't recognize host
-at a music store looking for an instrument, Kaitlin (AMP) settles on the drums
-The Lundford Twins (host) & (FRA) Feel Good Variety Hour was never aired
-Andy's (WLF) telephone shrieks of "Oh no!" annoy financial planner (host)
-Spy Glass- parliament reporter (host) fills in on the teen beat
-(host)'s date with Phoebe (RAD) is disrupted by her large house cat (FRA)
February 5, 2005-Paris Hilton
*American Idol- awful contestants want to be the next William Hung
-in Switzerland, Donatella Versace (MAR) skis with host & Elton John (HOS)
-(host) & Starkisha (FIM) race to buy purses that are out of their price range
-Exclusive Connections- phone sex line caters to fantasy & sci-fi geeks
-Donald Trump's (DAH) new wife Melania (host) meets his children (SEM) (MAR) (FRA)
-flashback shows cheerleader (host) nearly went to prom with Merv The Perv (CHP)
-Rafael Alonzo (FRA) can't overemphasize your need to learn computers
-vintage Barbie (AMP) catches Ken (WLF) cheating with a new Barbie (host)
-obnoxious (SEM) gets nowhere while trying to pick up (host) in a NYC bar
February 12, 2005-Jason Bateman
*nuke-wielding Kim Jong Il (HOS) makes demands at a flattering press conference
-Monkeys Throwing Poop At Celebrities- Sean Connery (DAH) gets hit by feces
-The Best of T.T. & Mario- (MAR) & (KET)’s songs are all about getting freaky
-subway passenger (host) empties his wallet for pushy metro performers
-Gays In Space- homosexual rocketmen encounter sperm-seeking lesbians
-in the voiceover booth, Bill Kurtis (DAH) mixes graphic script with chitchat
-Rap Night- Chubb Hotty (HOS) sings a duet with his girlfriend (Kelly Clarkson)
-students at a public speaking workshop display presentational faults
February 19, 2005-Hilary Swank
*Michael Jackson (AMP) In Neverland Ranch- advice-giving leads to incrimination
-Los Angeles Face- botoxed women (MAR) (host) (AMP) (RAD) have frozen features
-restaurant patrons are unable to resist touching their extremely hot plates
-host's former babysitter Debbie Downer (RAD) sits next to her at the Oscars
-soap opera actress (host) receives crying lessons from coach (RAD)
-City Court With Aaron Neville- (HOS) sings more than he serves justice
-Marc Anthony (FRA) & Jennifer Lopez (MAR) redo their Grammys duet at home
-Project Runway- Heidi Klum (host) gives designers their latest assignment
March 12, 2005-David Spade
*Martha Stewart (DAS) addresses her employees after getting out of prison
-(DAS) & (RAD) are weirded out by hospitality approaches of Noony (FRA) & Nuni (MAR)
-stuntwoman (AMP) stands in for DAS on the set of a Vin Diesel (HOS) movie
-detained (DAS) tries making (ROR) his bitch in a suburban holding cell
-Sean Penn's (SEM) lack of humor dooms his roast of Clint Eastwood (DAH)
-UPS guy (DAS) is repeatedly rejected after asking receptionist (RAD) out on a date
-performance of married singers (DAS) & (MAR) includes commercial jingles
-Joe Dirt (DAS) advertises the attractions of the Dirtball & Burnout Convention
March 19, 2005-Ashton Kutcher
*Hardball- Jose Canseco (HOS) & Mark McGwire (ROR) on steroids in baseball
-Oprah (MAR)- John Travolta (DAH) & Julia Roberts (host) upstage victim (RAD)
-(host)'s scheme to initiate an office push-up contest backfires on him
-Gays In Space- crashed ship leads to encounter with hunky spacemen
-at a black church, white guest preacher (host) gets into the spirit
-fight between anchor (host) & weatherman (SEM) disrupts local newscast
-(AMP) uses Nebulzitol to cure her husband (WLF) of March Madness
April 9, 2005-Cameron Diaz
*Cardinals & Al Sharpton (KET) campaign to become new Pope in papal debate
-Extreme Makeover Home Edition- wife's (host) illness is a benefit for (CHP)
-The Barry Gibb (JIF) Talk Show- Ann Coulter (Drew Barrymore) & others on liberals
-new manager (CHP) wants to improve the rating of a seedy one-star hotel
-Woo! The Musical features scenes of college students' spring break experiences
-deliverymen (KET) & (FIM) try to talk (host) out of buying a sofa bed
-Spy Glass- Desperate Housewives correspondent (host) joins in the banter
April 16, 2005-Tom Brady
*Tom DeLay (CHP) says his vote-securing methods have made him a target
-at a carnival, only (host) fails to win at a football toss game
-Dr. Phil (DAH)- insensitive husband (host) lacks emotional intelligence
-The Falconer (WLF) still gets the worst of it after swapping places with Donald
-Tom Brady's Falafel City- host's restaurant offers Middle Eastern cuisine
-Uncle Scott's (host) cold feet threaten Kaitlin's (AMP) upcoming bridesmaid gig
-Behind The Music- Chicago Bears recall "The Super Bowl Shuffle" phenomenon
-boozy lounge singer Charli Coffee (MAR) falls down while performing
May 7, 2005-Johnny Knoxville
*American Idol- Paula Abdul (AMP) seduces contestants which disappoints Paula Abdul [real]
-bickering Sally (AMP) & Dan (SEM) are The Couple That Should Be Divorced
-Donald Trump (DAH) tapes a commercial for Domino's cheeseburger pizza
-Donatella Versace (MAR) visits her mom (RAD) in Italy on Mother's Day
-abductee (WLF) learns science isn't the motive for alien's (host) anal probes
-transsexual (host), grandma (MAR) & new mom (AMP) brunch on Mother's Day
-Andy (WLF) disrupts a telethon by shouting "Oh no!" when callers try to pledge
-Merv The Perv (CHP) & brother Irv (host) disgust Victoria's Secret customers
-extensive news team introductions and humorous reactions fill out broadcast
-You Might Be A Gay Redneck If you're Jeff Foxworthy's half-brother (host)
May 14, 2005-Will Ferrell
*backstage, WIF has awkward reunions with his former castmates & Lorne Michaels
-Celebrity Jeopardy!- Bill Cosby (KET), Sharon Osbourne (AMP), Sean Connery (DAH) are inept
-(WIF) has some issues while speaking at an annual gathering for Oracle employees
-(SEM) & (RAD) meet Noonie (WIF), the childish adult son of Noony (FRA) & Nuni (MAR)
-diner (WLF) applies pepper grinder to build character in waiter (WIF)
-Robert Goulet (WIF) plugs ringtones & cellphones shaped like his head
-Going 2 C Movies- Terrye Funck (CHP), Vasquez (HOS) & (WIF) give juvenile reviews
-in a bar, luxury-loving spy (WIF) thinks that (MAR) is his contact
May 21, 2005-Lindsay Lohan
*Hardball- Michael Isikoff (CHP) & Condoleezza Rice (MAR) on media ethics
-America's Next Top Model- one-legged Amber (AMP) loses to insecure (host)
-costumed Star Wars fans deal with failure to get into Revenge Of The Sith
-Appalachian Emergency Room- hayseeds seek treatment for strange problems
-Prince (FRA) Show- Nick Lachey (WLF) & Jessica Simpson (host) pop in
-(HOS)'s angered hooker (host) destroys furnishings of his gangster hangout
-(CHP) attempts to seduce teenage babysitter (host) while driving her home
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