October 1, 2005-Steve Carell
*George W. Bush (WLF) addresses executive branch issues at a press conference
-onboard TV distracts (host) & alarms (AMP) on troubled Jet Blue flight
-Anderson Cooper (SEM) 360- celebrities help with Katrina reconstruction
-at a restaurant, unhappily married Sally (AMP) & Dan (SEM) criticize each other
-another Lundford Twins (host) & (FRA) Feel Good Variety Hour emerges from the vault
-Debbie Downer (RAD) finds company in the misery of soulmate Bob Bummer (host)
October 8, 2005-Jon Heder
*George W. Bush (WLF) & Supreme Court pick Harriet Miers (RAD) are cronies
-at school, Kaitlin (AMP) & (host) give a science fair presentation on insects
-mustache growth is the extent of (host)'s transformation into a werewolf
-Tom DeLay (WLF) & Bill Frist (JAS) drive away from their legal troubles
-Show Biz Grande Explosion!- Fericito (FRA) liked Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite
-at a funeral home, friends successively go from mourners to corpses
-(SEM) lectures employees for pranks pulled after a company retreat party
-automated phone menu voicer Julie (RAD) goes on a blind date with (host)
October 22, 2005-Catherine Zeta-Jones
*George W. Bush's (WLF) Q&A with Iraq troops has obviously been staged
-in Afghanistan, CNN reporter's (host) inability to groom takes its toll
-(SEM) attends jazzed-up party with (host) & other Bob Fosse-esque dancers
-in Italy, Vinny Vedecci (BIH) & other locals mock USA tourists
-Access Hollywood- celebrities perform Sharon Stone's (AMP) storm relief song
-fellow teachers resent gorgeous new high school French instructor (host)
-(WLF) & (host) sing naughty vows about their spanking fetishes at wedding ceremony
-Abe Scheinwald (RAD) wants Mexican bombshell (host) to play Emily Dickinson
October 29, 2005-Lance Armstrong
*in White House address, Dick Cheney (DAH) denies smoke & fire within
-Celebrity Ironman- host struggles with running & swimming triathlon legs
-Harmonies- Sheryl Crow [real] joins Indigo Girls (AMP) & (RAD) atop a mountain
-The O'Reilly (DAH) Factor- unrelated misconceptions bewilder guests
-Sheryl Crow [real] can barely tolerate the awful love song host wrote for her
-Donald Trump (DAH) goes off-script while shooting a Days Of Our Lives cameo
-on a blind date, (host) is inexplicably infatuated with disgusting Carol (HOS)
-(WLF) cackles at mobster's (HOS) jokes during his interrogation of (host)
November 12, 2005-Jason Lee
*Hardball- sweaty Scott McClellan (JAS) & cautious Nancy Pelosi (AMP) are quiet
-Good Morning Meth- hyper druggie addicts' TV show runs all day
-The Falconer (WLF) & Donald accept land developer's (host) indecent proposal
-too-helpful couple (JAS) & (KRW) naively assist escaped murderer (host)
-Refurbishments- caulk expert's (host) tips are penis double entendres
-at her baby shower, butt-pregnant (AMP) downplays conception implications
-'Stashin'- mustached (SEM), (host), (RAD) & (CHP) endorse facial hair
-American Taser's stun guns lead to tasing through rotating spokesmen
November 19, 2005-Eva Longoria
*George W. Bush (WLF) is defensive during a press conference in China
-The Spammies- (CHP) & (host) win awards for sending annoying e-mails
-Deep House Dish- DJ Dynasty Handbag (KET) watches vocalists (AMP), (host) & more
-Sally (AMP) & Dan (SEM) bicker & have make-up sex at their 10-year college reunion
-in 1958, stars bother Vincent Price (BIH) on his gothic Thanksgiving Special
-Teri Hatcher (host) & other Desperate Housewives are divas at a photo shoot
-R. Kelly (FIM) adds bizarre cliffhangers in his Trapped In The Closet sequel
-sibling loss influences lyrics but not tone of upbeat German family band
-Firmium- host uses fecal euphemisms in a diarrhea medicine testimonial
December 3, 2005-Dane Cook
*a choir sings holiday songs that had all religion references removed
-high school drama club members perform theatrical morning announcements
-failed kicker Jay Feely (host) tries to land the New York Giants' plane
-at a party, overheated (host) won't remove his expensive & itchy wool sweater
-Target lady (KRW) abandons the cash register to secure bargains for herself
-after his 24-hour coma, (host) finds that his girlfriend (AMP) has moved on
-Fight Back- inept vigilante Victor Ramos (HOS) seeks subway terrorism
December 10, 2005-Alec Baldwin
*miserable Saddam Hussein (host) complains to a guard (FRA) from behind bars
-(host) rejects face transplants given to his hospitalized wife
-The O'Reilly (DAH) Factor- John McCain (CHP) & Barney Frank (host) discuss torture
-Brokeback Goldmine- grizzled prospectors (host) & (WLF) fall in love
-The Tony Bennett (host) Show- Dick Cheney (DAH) discusses terrorism
-on a blind date at a bowling alley, crass Carol (HOS) somehow charms (host)
-a hotdog's husband (host) raises his half-human kids (AMP) & (ANS)
-(host) gives a Glengarry Glen Ross motivational speech to Santa's elves
December 17, 2005-Jack Black
*Dick Cheney (DAH) plays Santa to kids' politically-convenient requests
-at Sbarro, shoppers suffer gusts of cold wind due to near-to-door table
-Appalachian Emergency Room- (Neil Young) & Johnny Knoxville [real] suffer
-TV news team member (host) feels left out during a publicity photo shoot
-young Debbie Downer (RAD) depresses Santa (host) when he visits her house
-stranded in space, (host) rejects advances of hermaphrodite alien (ANS)
-Christmas tree seller (host) suffers through A-holes' (JAS) & (KRW) dumb requests
-spelling bee loser (WLF) takes his time attempting to spell “business”
January 14, 2006-Scarlett Johansson
*"The 700 Gang" by Rob Smigel- to Pat Robertson, divine retribution explains all
-Deep House Dish- DJ Dynasty Handbag (KET) welcomes (AMP), (host) & (CHP)
-Smorgasbord- Scandinavian cooks (SEM) & (host) & their recipes are gloomy
-Mike (FRA) & Lexi (host) showoff classy lighting fixtures at Chandelier Galaxy
-Duluth Live- Jim Morrison-esque (WLF) & his band perform an epic theme song
-My Super Sweet 16- spoiled rich kid (host) demands an extravagant party
-cheerful talker Ed Mahoney (JAS) tries to buy a ring from a jewelry store
-oceanographer (SEM) is deceived by (host) & (HOS) aboard a mini-submarine
-(TIF), (RAD) & (host) long for yucky Mr. Willoughby in a Jane Austen movie
January 21, 2006-Peter Sarsgaard
*Anderson Cooper (SEM) 360- Ray Nagin (FIM) lays out desire for New Orleans
-Target lady's (KRW) manager (host) lets customers wait while he's on break
-host is keynote speaker at pirate convention due to "arr" sounds in his name
-at the opening of his art gallery, (host) falls for coarse Carol (HOS)
-Cat Fancy Magazine editor (host) fires reporter (SEM) for made-up stories
-Gays In Space- station pilots have an encounter in galactical queer bar
-lost remote forces hotel guest (host) to sit through loop of (RAD)'s TV spiel
-grandmothers' (AMP) & (RAD) phone conversation attracts an NSA wiretap (host)
-host is trying to sell 250 million of his leftover SARS Guard facemasks
February 4, 2006-Steve Martin
*host prevents Alec Baldwin [real] from tying his SNL hosting record
-Oprah (MAR)- (host)'s memoir is as full of lies as James Frey's
-Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford, says (CHP) to debtors (host) & (AMP)
-beneficial gig at a Hamas victory celebration creates a moral dilemma for host
-Quick Zoom Theater- camcorder-sponsored drama includes unnecessary zooms
-Aaron Neville (HOS), Aretha Franklin (KET) & Dr. John (JAS) warm up at Super Bowl
-Prince (FRA) Show- personal chef (host) & Drew Barrymore (KRW) are interviewed
-George Q. Bush's (WLF) State Of The Galaxy address is no different in 2145
-uncool (host) is disbelieving upon learning of his ejection from surfer club
-Naturally Crafting- (RAD) wants wreathmaker (host) to spend the night
March 4, 2006-Natalie Portman
*shell-shocked George W. Bush (WLF) & Dick Cheney (DAH) make apologies
-hyper Jamba Juice employees (host) (HOS) (SEM) boost smoothies
-Larry King (FRA) Live- transsexuals (AMP), (WLF) & (host) cause mix-ups
-fertility doctor (host) interviews prospective parents Sally (AMP) & Dan (SEM)
-Nunni (host) & boyfriend (JAS) visit home of her parents Noony (FRA) & Nuni (MAR)
-Wake Up Wakefield- Sheldon (RAD) fails to hookup with (host) at a bar mitzvah
March 11, 2006-Matt Dillon
*young women (AMP) (MAR) (RAD) (KRW) anticipate Spring Break celebrations
-SportsCenter- bulked-up Barry Bonds (KET) denies steroid allegations
-wayward A-holes (JAS) & (KRW) strain the patience of travel agent (host)
-How To Order Sushi Like A CEO- smug (host)'s book offers raw seafood tips
-Joplin Alive!- Missourians (JAS) & (BIH) do a podcast in a Bennigan's
-Vincent Price's (BIH) St. Patrick's Day Special is not very horrifying
-harsh voice & coarse attitude makes (host) a poor fit for relaxation tape
-Appalachian Emergency Room- more rubes need unconventional medical help
-DeCicco Brothers (BIH) & (host) Unicornery has magical animals for sale
April 8, 2006-Antonio Banderas
*Anderson Cooper (SEM) 360- Vicente Fox (host) & Cynthia McKinney (KET) talk immigration
-Deal Or No Deal- contestant (host) doesn't understand how to play
-at a party, automated phone menu voicer Julie (RAD) collects info from (host)
-Besos Y Lagrimas- gardener's (host) bare chest sparks passionate reactions
-butch looks get their due at the Women's Basketball Coaches' Fashion Awards
-host's Legend Of Zorro stand-in (HOS) repulses Catherine Zeta-Jones (AMP)
-karaoke emcee (AMP) gets personal with singer's (RAD) boyfriend (host)
-wine tasters (host) (CHP) (AMP) give odd evaluations to their drinks
April 15, 2006-Lindsay Lohan
*The Situation Room- staff turnover leads to presidential spokesteen (host)
-Deep House Dish- DJ Dynasty Handbag (KET) grooves to divas (AMP) & (host)
-The O'Reilly (DAH) Factor- Seymour Hersh (FRA) & Newt Gingrich (WLF) talk Iraq
-delicious chocolate dessert makes diners (host), (JAS), (RAD) & (FRA) go crazy
-Debbie Downer (RAD) deflates (host)'s Las Vegas strip club bachelorette party
-uptight co-workers Neil (WLF), Jean (KRW) & (host) awkwardly socialize
-Movie Archives- Ann-Margret (host) & Liberace (FRA) had no chemistry
May 6, 2006-Tom Hanks
*Bill Frist (host) sells his new gas refund plan to George W. Bush (WLF)
-Wheel Of Fortune- dumb contestants (AMP) (FRA) (KRW) can't solve the puzzle
-Kaitlin's (AMP) enthusiasm about taking care of (host)'s iguana decreases
-while in a theme park line, (host) & (FRA) yell at their lost ma (RAD)
-in a yoga class, (RAD) is unhappily partnered with sweaty & gross (host)
-Colin Powell (KET) issues State Department propositions a la Fred Sanford
-tennis player (WLF) drops his partner (host) due to him losing an arm
May 13, 2006-Julia Louis-Dreyfus
*on a parallel Earth, everything is great under president Al Gore [real]
-insecure (JLD) is upset she isn't being harassed by dreadful bum (BIH)
-The Morning Show- everything goes wrong during a live television broadcast
-students in Intro To MySpace class are mom (JLD) & creepy sexual predators
-Charades- contestants' (AMP) & (JLD) pantomime is sexually suggestive
-Unsolved Mysteries re-enactor (JLD) doesn't believe (KRW)'s alien story
May 20, 2006-Kevin Spacey
*Anderson Cooper (SEM) 360- Arnold Schwarzenegger (DAH) on immigration
-detective (host) questions A-holes (JAS) & (KRW) about a car theft they witnessed
-Oprah Winfrey's (MAR) Legends Ball pays tribute to her favorite black women
-at a restaurant, on-the-rebound (host) is captivated by crude Carol (HOS)
-quest to save Donald via time machine produces many copies of The Falconer (WLF)
-Legends Of History- inventor of sarcasm (host) confused England in the 1100s
-Neil Young's (host) new album contains unsubtle political commentary
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