October 13, 1979-Steve Martin
*a doorman (GAM) turns away clergy at a Pope John Paul II (host) tour stop
-Spanish tutor (host) visits (BIM) & (GIR) to give a free language lesson
-a juvenile delinquent Vandal's (Al Franken) pranks disturb a Centurion (host)
-Rise spray lifts host & Buck Henry [real] above restroom germs
-while Carole King (LAN) writes "You've Got A Friend," (host) gets stabbed
-The David Susskind (BIM) Show- witnesses say Hamilton Jordan uses cocaine
-Russian security advance on-stage to prevent Bolshoi Ballet rebellion
October 20, 1979-Eric Idle
*after hearing that the host is sick, Buck Henry [real] begs to replace him
-pitchman Tom Clay (HAS) advertises the upcoming Hotel-Motel Art Fair
-shoe salesman (host) frustrates customer's (BIM) quest for footwear
-Prince Charles' (host) book tells you how to use royal ties to get girls
-Hardcore II- (LAN) discovers her father (BIM) is a transvestite stripper
-Heavy Sarcasm- Joan Face (JAC) & guests (host) & (BIM) fake emotions
-Ask Elvis- psychic (LAN) delivers answers to your questions
November 3, 1979-Bill Russell
*Chappaquiddick looms as Ted Kennedy (BIM) makes campaign announcement
-The Black Shadow- white basketball team keeps coach (host) out of trouble
-The Landers Files- Ann (JAC) dramatizes protocol for widow (GIR)
-Nick Borealis (BIM) & Swankmates entertain black soldiers at Greenland base
-Eleanor Roosevelt's (JAC) correspondence to receivers suggests lesbianism
-to host's surprise, callers to (BIM)'s radio show focus on obscure sports
-Joe Garagiola (HAS) says you'll get a discount after buying two Chryslers
-mall woes are affecting Barry White's Big & Tall That's All store
November 10, 1979-Buck Henry
*BIM knows why controversial nobody host is an SNL staple
-rejected (GIR) settles on sharing Harley's Bristol Cream with Honker (BIM)
-The Mystery Of Toad Island- inbred residents have amphibian traits
-Lisa (GIR) & Todd (BIM) try to get Marshall (host) & Enid (JAC) to go on a date
-Bad Clams- (GAM) & (Yvonne Hudson) feed Lucille Ball (GIR) rancid seafood
-How To Talk To Your Grandparents- record album helps youngsters get gifts
-Speci-Pak carrying case keeps severed body parts fresh on the way to hospital
-during prenuptial talks, lawyers (host) & (HAS) break up (BIM) & (LAN)
-(host) scares (JAC) & (GIR) during a desperate drive home for the toilet
November 17, 1979-Bea Arthur
*Ronald Reagan's aide (HAS) outlines candidate's nap-filled schedule
-First He Cries- (BIM) tries to cope with his wife's (GIR) mastectomy
-(Tom Davis) not wanting to go to school leads to a Soviet takeover of the USA
-(JAC), (LAN), (BIM) & (Paul Shaffer) act immature at the kids table during Thanksgiving dinner
-Woman To Woman- Connie Carson (GIR) seeks downside to (host)'s ideal motherhood
-Tom Clay (HAS) tells how Saveco's prices are low as they resell recalled products
-(Paul Shaffer) & (HAS) preview their rock opera about Charles Manson & Jay Sebring
-revival band Los Beatolos Cubanos performs Latin takes of Fab Four hits
December 8, 1979-Howard Hesseman
*Great Moments In Rock & Roll- James Brown (GAM) abandons Scottish music
-The Bel Airabs- (host) & (GAM) try to steal fortune of Abdul (Don Novello) & kin
-(GIR) explores personal growth with old (BIM) & new (host) boyfriends
-WKRP star host shares studio time with real deejay Steve Marvin (HAS)
-The Nuclear Family- radiation makes power plant neighbors fatigued
-The Holiday Inn Horror- maid (GIR) repeatedly disturbs guests' slumber
December 15, 1979-Martin Sheen
*(BIM) undergoes a cheap & quick sex-change operation
-in her bedroom, little girl’s (GIR) nighttime spooks have explanations
-striking teachers debate whether to accept school board's latest offer
-(host) embarks on a mission to terminate production of Apocalypse Now
-(BIM) taunts Foreveready spokesman Robert Conrad (host) & his dad (Brian Doyle-Murray)
-in order to pull off the perfect crime, (host) & (GAM) kill any potential witnesses
-Minota AM-3 camera- for special moments, like Bruce Jenner (host) divorce
-Revisions of Freudian Theory- (Tom Davis) tells (Al Franken) about the nasal stage
-Martin Sheen Hairspray- host is JAC's favorite styling aid
December 22, 1979-Ted Knight
*the Shah (BIM) celebrates Christmas in Panama with friends
-executive board pretends to care about (JAC)'s sexual harassment charges
-(host) directs Todd (BIM), Lisa (GIR) & other nerds during Christmas pageant rehearsal
-Sammy Seltzer, Jr. lets you tolerate Sammy Davis, Jr.'s (GAM) overexposure
-(JAC)'s visiting father's (host) flashy holiday decorations annoy everybody
January 26, 1980-Teri Garr
*seeking Paul McCartney interview, Father Guido Sarducci gets arrested
-presidential hopefuls do chores for housewife (host)
-Debs Behind Bars- jailed preppies (host) (JAC) (GIR) try to survive
-new ads for the Anchovy Council by (host) & (HAS) target black consumers
-Bad Playhouse- a production of The Great Mr. Potatohead Famine
-child executive Paula Kirsch (LAN) negotiates a deal with (GIR)
February 9, 1980-Chevy Chase
*while visiting Gerald Ford (CHC), Henry Kissinger (Al Franken) plays it safe
-all the food at Pre-Chew Charlie's (BIM) restaurant is easy to digest
-The Bel Airabs- middle-eastern family traps congressman (Tom Davis) in Abscam
-You Can't Win!- contestants face impossible odds on (CHC)’s gameshow
-Speaking of Fashion- Mr. Blackwell (HAS) interviews CHC on public access
-(JAC) records letters on audio tape to her mother (LAN) while on vacation
February 16, 1980-Elliott Gould
*outside Richard Nixon's house, Father Guido Sarducci waits for him
-Jody Powell (Brian Doyle-Murray) subs for Jimmy Carter during Ted Kennedy (BIM) debate
-The Incredible Man- Canadian Wizard of Oz film includes a line of yellow snow
-college basketball coach (host) persistently recruits jailed murderer (GAM)
-all-time radio station deejay (HAS) keeps listeners chronologically aware
-a subway genie (host) takes (GIR) on an underground tour of NYC
-Kramer vs. Godzilla- movie has custody battle placing man against monster
February 23, 1980-Kirk Douglas
*a trip to host's dressing room reveals he's very short & has no dimple
-What If?- implications of Spartacus (host) in a Piper Cub are explored
-The Micro Dentists- (host), (BIM) & (LAN) shrink down to work in Anwar Sadat's (GAM) mouth
-drunk last-minute replacement Nick Collins (BIM) sings at a bar mitzvah
-Tom Snyder (HAS) seeks craziness in Republican candidates' brothers
-Kirk's Greatest Kirks- album has host copying mimics' impersonations of him
-at Sardi's, bathroom attendant (GIR) gets host's autograph on paper towel
March 8, 1980-Rodney Dangerfield
*host gets little respect from dressing room hog Father Guido Sarducci
-invest in the Niggerand, the gold coin mined by South African laborers
-host dreams he's the most popular donor at Dr. Shockley's House of Sperm
-Manhasset- (host)'s relationship with 10-year-old (LAN) mirrors Manhattan
-Road To Moscow- Curt Gowdy (HAS) & athletes ponder USA Olympic boycott
-people in court play schoolroom pranks on substitute judge (Brian Doyle-Murray)
-America On The Job- American Garment Inspectors Association is saluted
March 15, 1980-100th Episode
*for SNL's one-hundredth show, LAN, JAC, GAM & GIR summon spirits of Mr. Mike & JOB
-Patrick Moynihan [real] narrates the tale of The Biggest Leprechaun (Peter Aykroyd)
-Todd's (BIM) quest to be student body president is threatened by mooning blackmail
-(BIM)'s lack of rhythm irritates (Paul Shaffer) & fellow minstrels in medieval band
-Talk Or Die- guests' lives are threatened on (Michael Palin)'s talk show
-Honker (BIM) & bums (Peter Aykroyd) & (GAM) are wine critics
-The David Susskind (BIM) Show- surgery hasn't helped celebrity lookalikes
April 5, 1980-Richard Benjamin & Paula Prentiss
*Carter Held Hostage- Frank Reynolds (HAS) covers presidential publicity
-little girls (GIR) & (LAN) fantasize about their dream guy Jesus
-married (Richard) experiences paranoid guilt after infidelity with (LAN)
-Iris de Flaminio (JAC), Bobbi Farber (GIR) & Christy Christina (LAN) take assertive class
-Franken & Davis Show- Khomeini the Magnificent (Al) does Iranian version of Carnac bit
-Joey Bishop fans (BIM) & (GIR) find common ground with neighbors (hosts)
April 12, 1980-Burt Reynolds
*host claims not to be upset over not being nominated for an Oscar
-(BIM) & (JAC) allow their young daughters (LAN) & (GIR) to sleep with host
-in ancient Rome, (host) tries to pick up women in a vomitorium
-Deliverance II- undercover cop (host) looks for homosexual hicks
-The Burt Book's pics of host get women through those lonely nights
-(LAN) & other Peppers convince (Brian Doyle-Murray) & (JAC) to join the cult
-party violations gives couple (host) & (GIR) a reason to argue
-Baba Wawa (GIR) At Large- Marlon Brando (host) pigs out during interview
April 19, 1980-Strother Martin
*Rosalynn Carter (LAN) encourages illegal immigrants to take part in census
-Cool Hand Luke (BIM) rebels against French language camp director (host)
-(host)'s children view their departed dad's variety show-style video will
-at the weekly meeting of the Conductor's Club, it's business-as-usual
-Invasion of the Brain Snatchers- Reagan pods turn liberals conservative
-Any Town- nameless residents are prejudiced against people with names
May 10, 1980-Bob Newhart
*Pink Lady (LAN) (GIR) & Carl Sagan (HAS) joke around with Marvin Hamlisch (Paul Shaffer)
-The Dating Zone- (host) is pursued by (LAN), Iris de Flaminio (JAC) & catatonic Colleen (GIR)
-Civil War officer (host) neglects to write to a dead soldier's mother (GIR)
-store owner (host) satisfies customers' orders of rare & unusual items
-after proposing, (host) learns fiancé (JAC) used to weigh 260 pounds
May 17, 1980-Steve Martin
*via satellite, Father Guido Sarducci waits outside the McCartneys' London home
-Real Incredible People- ordinary citizens with simple quirks are on display
-(GIR) & (JAC) clean up the mess made by their sons (host) & (BIM) during a home invasion
-The Hominids- caveman (BIM) feels threatened by more-evolved (host)
-Ronald (HAS) & Nancy (JAC) Reagan have dinner with some reporters
-Stretch Marks- bitter loneliness in aging Patti Caldwell's (GIR) album
-buck (host) & doe (GIR) wait for traffic to clear at a deer crossing
May 24, 1980-Buck Henry
*Frank Reynolds (HAS) presents presidential consolation debate highlights
-Lord (host) & Lady (GIR) Douchebag mingle at a party of royal noblemen
-Cow Minder's Daughter- rise & fall of Indian singer Govinda Lynn (LAN)
-mom (JAC) remains blind to the true nature of pedophilic "Uncle" Roy (host)
-Hawaiian-themed bar of Nick Lava (BIM) has music & waitress Iris de Flaminio (JAC)
-Week In Review- tabloid journalists' notions of newsworthiness puzzle (host)
-hunters musically express their fondness for baby-bottles of Mommy Beer
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