November 15, 1980-Elliott Gould
*the new castmembers learn about SNL's glory days from bedfellow host
-Rosalynn (ANR) convinces Jimmy (JOP) Carter to be glad he lost
-(CHR) delivers a singing Billy-Gram to cohabitating couple (host) & (ANR)
-(GLM) demonstrates breast cancer self-examination dos & don'ts
-What's It All About- Pinky (DED) & Leo (GIG) Waxman interview host
-At One With...- sergeant (JOP) drills a member of the Gay Brigade (CHR)
-JOP does play-by-play for the nose wrestling match between (host) & (CHR)
-40-year-old (host) has an awkward dinner date with teenager Vickie (GLM)
-The Accordion Killer- (GLM) goes undercover to trap musical menace (CHR)
-speed listener (DED) relaxes efficiently with accelerated music
November 22, 1980-Malcolm McDowell
*(DED) tells her executee son (GIG) to sit up straight in the electric chair
-Wild Kingdom- Jim Fowler (JOP) goes In Search of the Negro Republican
-tobacco growers' representative (GIG) says lungs are to blame for cancer
-Serf City- feudal surfing pioneers (host) & (CHR) abuse peasants
-Amy Carter (DED) likes new parents Ronald (CHR) & Nancy (GLM) Reagan
-American Milk Association spokesman Alex DeLarge (host) plugs moloko
-bookstore owner (host) provides customer's (ANR) specific romance novel desires
-The Leather Weather Report- dominatrix-meteorologist (DED) punishes (CHR)
-on commie hunting season's opening day, rednecks are anxious to get going
-proper women (host) & (DED) search for Jack The Stripper in old England
-The Wine Cellar- (DED) suggests American wines for American foods
December 6, 1980-Ellen Burstyn
*David Rockefeller (CHR) says "the USA is going co-op so prepare to be evicted"
-Ed McMahon School of Laughing- laugh it up like the king of second bananas
-What's It All About- Pinky (DED) & Leo (GIG) Waxman ask host about her movie roles
-Paulie Herman (JOP) records an interview tape for a video dating service
-Our Front Door- suburban family eagerly learns about junkie's (CHR) life
-Vickie (GLM) & her friend Debbie (DED) visit (host) at Planned Parenthood
-Mary Louise's (DED) sock puppet Sam The Snake terrorizes tutor (host)
-The Toni Tennille (ANR) Show- Jean Harris' (DED) innocence claims are ignored
-parents (CHR) & (ANR) blame divorce on kids (Mitchell Kriegman) & (GLM)
-young girl (GLM) finds that old lady (host) is more lonely than scary
December 13, 1980-Jamie Lee Curtis
*Mean Majority members (DED) (GLM) (CHR) intend to impose their morality on everyone
-The Attack of the Terrible Snapping Creatures- (host) battles clothespins
-Paulie Herman (JOP) plays three-card monty with (EDM) in a bus station
-Dying To Be Heard- female poets commit suicide to have their works read on TV
-examples of stoners' misplayed hands prove that poker & drugs don't mix
-at their convention, Badger Club members hassle a waitress (host)
-toughen yourself up with the Tortu-Matic physical pain endurance unit
-Roweena (GLM) styles Nadine's (DED) hair & confronts her rebellious daughter (host)
-Camille Black (ANR) & her cycle gang are committed to burying roadkill
December 20, 1980-David Carradine
*Don Pardo puts an end to JOP's plans of being both castmember & SNL announcer
-Gun City- (JOP) makes a Crazy Eddie-style pitch for Christmas firearms
-Vickie (GLM) & Debbie (DED) hang out at the mall & talk with cool boys (JOP) & (CHR)
-Bob Dylan (Patrick Weathers) & deathbed Woody Guthrie (host) communicate via song lyrics
-turn domestic turmoil into TV drama with The Home Version of Dallas
-rich white drug users visit Harlem for an authentic heroin experience
-(host) goes smokeless with Dopenhagen & Happy Daze instead of lighting up
-(host), (DED) & (EDM) mourn Colonel Sanders while eating fried chicken
-welfare recipients (Yvonne Hudson) & Caine (host) are told to take up prostitution
January 10, 1981-Ray Sharkey
*a bullet teaches Jimmy 'The Weasel' Fratiano not To Tell The Truth
-Italian (host) translates feelings of repressed WASP couple (CHR) & (ANR)
-Vickie (GLM) & Debbie (DED) meet punk rocker Tommy Torture (host) at a new wave club
-(GIG)'s labor plan asks for Ronald Reagan to give him a "hum" job
-in a bar, (host) advises unemployed & depressed Jimmy Carter (JOP)
-a suspect (GIG) & his interrogator (host) develop a cinematic confession
-in the park, (EDM) sells (JOP) & (ANR) a black-market white baby for $500
-rebellious surrogate mothers (Yvonne Hudson) & (DED) worry moms-to-be (GLM) & (ANR)
-Stop-A-Nut personal protection unit offers armored defense against crime
-The Waiter-Maker- (host) tries to mold (GIG) into a superstar server
January 17, 1981-Karen Black
*departing Jimmy (JOP), Rosalynn (ANR) & Amy (DED) Carter strip White House
-The Legendary Composers- album has classical origins of contemporary hits
-game show emcee Phil Lively (CHR) & wife his Frances (GLM) meet the neighbors
-Frank Sinatra (JOP) pushes for Nancy Reagan (GLM) to be vice-president
-a museum security guard (CHR) ends his relationship with Mona Lisa (host)
-hospitalized stroke victim is unable to communicate with visitors
-JOP reports on the championship match of Fair Dinkum, Scottish game of manhood
-in the hallway, (Yvonne Hudson) confronts neighbor (EDM) about his loud stereo
-in a diner, (host) & Paulie Herman (JOP) order Five Easy Pieces of wheat toast
-CHR plays with SNL Castmember Action Dolls to show how much fun they are
-What's It All About- host has a breakdown because (DED) & (GIG) keep changing subjects
-(Matthew Laurance) uses (EDM) to mug a couple because "People kill people, not guns"
January 24, 1981-Robert Hays
*Iranian hostages' return won't mean the end for Ted Koppel's (JOP) show
-(DED) says psychedelics are what make Dazola mushroom spread a-maize-ing
-Love American Style- host has a date with an inflatable prostitute
-Asteroids pro Eddie Atari (EDM) shoots space rocks & the Goodyear Blimp
-look to Reaganco brand products for wallpaper, linoleum tiles & cosmetics
-Pre-Superbowl Pre-Game Preview- (host), (ANR) & (CHR) rant over silly hype
-sports organist Harry Osborne [real] fills in at a funeral service
-Disco Meltdown- dance club at nuclear plant is Dena Disco's (DED) hangout
-(JOP) demonstrates how The Pacesetter can jolt amateur theater to life
-Ravi Shankar (Patrick Weathers) interprets American romantic ballads on his new album
-Reagan dispute reveals differences of opinion between Roweena (GLM) & Nadine (DED)
-(CHR) tells how to send in $40,000 for a chance at a Dream Date
-Ordinary Elephant People- a movie about a disfigured dysfunctional family
-National Enquirer editorial board makes tough decisions about next issue
February 7, 1981-Sally Kellerman
*Ronald Reagan (CHR) describes economy with charts and celebrates birthday
-talent scout (host) sees Italian stand-up (GIG) perform for his relatives
-Name That Sin- contestants (ANR) & (EDM) identify taboos via audio clues
-Was I Ever Red- snooty women discuss violations of mealtime civility
-stage fake executions & other wacky stunts with the Iranian Joke Book
-Parent & Child- (JOP) & (ANR) explain their kinky foreplay to their son (GIG)
-trainer (host) gets tough on Lean Acres fat farm attendees (DED) & (ANR)
-Teheran University student council considers its post-kidnapping activities
-(GIG) pays more attention to his pillow "pets" than to his wife (ANR)
-a televised trial is presented in the style of a talk show
February 14, 1981-Debbie Harry
*Ronald Reagan (CHR) discusses whether Frank Sinatra (JOP) is a hoodlum
-Phil Lively (CHR) considers putting his father in a nursing home
-Tennessee Williams Authority deems Cooter (GIG) & kin a one-act play
-Paulie Herman (JOP) meets a girl from Jersey (host) in a card shop
-shy Big Brother (GIG) uses the telescreen to ask worker (host) out on a date
-Pinky (DED) & Leo (GIG) Waxman discover that their niece (host) has a lesbian lover (GLM)
-Fay's (host) date with a "big ape" (JOP) ends in the style of King Kong
-Vickie (GLM) shuns Debbie (DED) while catching up with high school dropout (host)
February 21, 1981-Charlene Tilton
*Rocko Weineretto & Weindulah weigh in before their upcoming match
-The Greatest Records of All Time- albums contain unlikely make-out music
-Mister Robinson's (EDM) Neighborhood- Mr. Speedy (GIG) delivers a package
-the Pork Queen (host) & her subjects get ready for the big parade
-A Fiddler Be On The Roof- a movie starring Stevie Wonder (EDM) as Tevye
-the Lincoln Bedroom haunts Nancy Reagan's (GLM) daughter-in-law Doria (ANR)
-Speaking Out- policewoman (DED) on unauthorized use of handicap toilets
-Women Behind Bars- (DED) & (host) debate industrial revolution education
-Weindulah outboxes Rocko Weineretto to win the championship title
-host shows why women should call Submissive Sugar Daddy Referral Service
-After Midnight- (CHR) & (GLM) arouse each other while bathing a dog
March 7, 1981-Bill Murray
*BIM convinces the cast that the bad SNL quality "just doesn't matter"
-actors struggle to play out a writer's (BIM) script as he makes revisions
-Altered Walter- Dan Rather (JOP) criticizes stoned & tanked Cronkite (BIM)
-Sammy Davis, Jr. (EDM) & other celebrities adopt "Chapstick" as a last name
-Nick Rivers (BIM) entertains guests while floating down the Mississippi
-co-workers clear the air about not sleeping with Mary Cunningham (GLM)
-house guests (BIM) & (ANR) try to remember (Matthew Laurance)'s beloved cat's name
-divorce settlement forces Bubba (BIM) & Fayetta (DED) to share laundromat
April 11, 1981-no host
*among old SNL props, CHC & Mr. Bill reminisce about the good old days
-patriotic Frank Sinatra (JOP) bashes Japan & promotes American cars
-in a bar, Bill Cosby (EDM) tries to sell a group of kids on Lite Beer
-I Married A Monkey- (Tim Kazurinsky) accuses his wife Madge of having an affair
-The Self-Righteous- holier-than-thou characters populate a new NBC series
-an Italian father (Tony Rosato) gives his son Frank (Tim Kazurinsky) advice on his wedding day
-(JOP) is a product of the Famous Broadcasters School of Cue Card Reading
-Wild Country Gun Cards' firearm facts promote family togetherness
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