September 25, 1982-Chevy Chase
*CHC explains why he'll do the show via satellite from Burbank
-Tyrone Green (EDM) is the darling of the New York art scene
-John Hinckley (BRH) announces he's a candidate for president
-Mystery Theatre- Zacherley (John Zacherle) introduces a video Land Shark (CHC)
-EDM pitches the tough devices of Popiel Galactic Prophylactic & Dura-phram
-Late Night with David Letterman (JOP) has Gumby (EDM) & a Bob the Dog film
-PTC Club- April May June (JLD) preaches and (GAK) heals audience members
October 2, 1982-Louis Gossett Jr.
*NBC is so desperate for viewers they're willing to strip
-Mister Robinson's (EDM) Neighborhood- Mr. T [real] objects to drum noise
-a sex therapist (host) enjoys putting his patients through play therapy
-Mr. [real] & Mrs. (ROD) T Bloody Mary Mix- drink it or be pitied
-a quartet of bathroom-goers sing "Under The Boardwalk" from their stalls
-Donahue- Phil (JOP) discusses conflict with Begin (TIK) & Arafat (GAK)
-EDM & host quit a sketch full of black stereotypes
-The Interesting Four- the superhero team of last resort is summoned
October 9, 1982-Ron Howard
-adult Opie Taylor (host) returns to rundown Mayberry
-Velvet Jones (EDM) romance novels include Kicked In The Butt By Love
-Doug (JOP) & Wendy (ROD) Whiner visit a doctor (host) to see about having a baby
-Focus on Film- Raheem Abdul Muhammed (EDM) prefers "Opie Cunningham" to host
-Jimmy Carter (JOP) recalls Ronald Reagan's uninterested White House visit
-an IRS agent (TIK) visits the Sylvester School of Speech Therapy
-(host) asks a prostitute (ROD) why she hooks & gets plenty of reasons
-in a small town, residents carry around personal nuclear warheads
October 23, 1982-Howard Hesseman
*ROD stalls for time backstage because host hasn't arrived
-John DeLorean (BRH) packs his suitcase with "Bisquick" & "sugar"
-Good Morning America- clip of David Hartman (JOP) film is Bullwinkle-like
-(GAK) returns home from college & tells his father (host) he's straight
-Caribbean attracts nerdy couple Celeste (MAG) & "Iguana" Marvin (TIK)
-as per the deceased's wishes, the open casket features a naked corpse
-Uncle Teddy's (JOP) Little Theatre- family members criticize young (GAK)
-The Amazing Ronco Answer Book has responses to ads' rhetorical questions
October 30, 1982-Michael Keaton
*host finds out there won't be any cue cards tonight
-on Halloween night, The Interesting Four looks for trouble
-events in (Michael Palin)'s scary story happen as he reads them
-after a first date, (TIK) gets mixed signals from (JLD) & her teddy bear
-a behind-the-scenes look at what really goes on in a political campaign
-Topol the Idiot (Michael Palin) wasn't originally written in English
-Ronald Reagan (JOP) transforms a la The Nutty Professor during a speech
November 13, 1982-Robert Blake
*JLD & JOP discuss host's phoniness as Merv Griffin [real] interviews him
-on a Shuttle mission, (EDM)'s admission of love makes (JOP) uneasy
-The Best Little House On The Prairie- Charles (host) is running a brothel
-Tyrone Green's (EDM) reggae band plays "Kill The White People" at a talent show
-Masterful Theatre- the characters of Airheads Revisited are idiotic
November 20, 1982-Drew Barrymore
*in host's dressing room, the cast is upset she was selected to do SNL
-after Gertie (host) kills E.T., Mr. T (EDM) comes looking for his boy
-Doug (JOP) & Wendy (ROD) Whiner decide complaining (host) is the kid to adopt
-(JLD) gets the interesting date she wanted by helping with brain surgery
-effeminate Mr. Blunt (JOP) is unhappy with high school Oklahoma production
-My Friend Zeus- loser high school student (GAK) gains a powerful buddy
December 4, 1982-The Smothers Brothers
*Dick criticizes Tom's Johnny Carson impression during a Tonight Show sketch
-(EDM)'s wife, boss & minister jump after trying to talk him off the ledge
-Dick uses Tom as an example of why it's important to use birth control
-Truck Driving Women- (JLD), (MAG) & (ROD) star in a musical set in a diner
-a family's problems rise to the surface when the television goes out
-recently-unemployed Solomon (EDM) refuses to accept charity from Pudge (JOP)
-The Inside Story- (ROD) dislikes the TV movie about her killer boyfriend
-Handsome Men With Big Noses- BRH & GAK trade backhanded compliments
December 11, 1982-Eddie Murphy
*planned host Nick Nolte is ill, so EDM introduces "The Eddie Murphy Show"
-Merry Christmas, Dammit!- Frank Sinatra (JOP) sings on Gumby's (EDM) special
-(JOP) & (JLD) see the Kensington Dance Theater For The Blind in action
-Hairem Scarem- Dion Dion (EDM) denies knowledge of stealing hair for wigs
-a Herpes Simplex GI (EDM) returns home from the front lines
January 22, 1983-Lily Tomlin
*cast members copy EDM's characters to become successful but host disapproves
-Ma Bell employee Ernestine (host) reclaims a family of former customers
-Speaking as a Woman- words from Dustin Hoffman (GAK) & Joan Rivers (JOP)
-little girls Edith Ann (host) & Darlene (JLD) tell stories from a rocking chair
-(host) buys drinks for Pudge (JOP) & Solomon (EDM) after soiling the latter's suit
-Fantasy- organist Bobbi Jeanine (host) lives her dream by playing on NBC
-Siobhan Cahill (MAG) runs an Irish radio variety show
-women for Coffees of the World include Cafe Parmigiana, Greek Egg Lemon & more
January 29, 1983-Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas
*Bob Hope (Dave) & Frank Sinatra (JOP) pressure Woody Allen (Rick)
-Doug (JOP) & Wendy (ROD) Whiner are taken hostage during a bank robbery
-I'll Be the Judge of That- Tyrone Green (EDM) on Dick Cavett's (Rick) game show
-Guy Talk- Liberace (Dave) & Michael Jackson (EDM) detail macho exploits
-Gerry Todd (Rick) recommends a portable satellite dish made of fine china
-Hell Bent For Glory- WWII movie characters are aware of deadly fates
-rent Ed McMahon (JOP) for your next party & your unfunny jokes will work
-Five Minutes To Reflect- a rabbi (Rick) explains origin of Jewish traits
-the Ronco Biological Watch tracks women's fertility
February 5, 1983-Sid Caesar
*cast wonders how to prove the show's live while host explains "now-was-gonnabe"
-Funeral in a Cab- (EDM) pitches the inexpensive burial alternative
-a hospital patient (host) is stuck next to ex-hostage Whiners (JOP) & (ROD)
-hotel room time-warp demonstrates 30-year change in male-female relations
-Crime & Self-Punishment- troubled inventor's (host) silent film biography
-A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney (JOP)- only his books are worth reading
February 19, 1983-Howard Hesseman
*cast tries to talk host out of doing controversial anti-Reagan monologue
-near Graceland, (EDM) receives Elvis' soul after being hit by a car
-Mad Magazine Theatre- Windbags Of War characters bash their own TV-movie
-Mr. T (EDM) says "watch the A-Team" but Rex Reed (JOP) says it's not good
-room service theatrically serves Marvin (TIK) & Celeste (MAG) a Fiesta Cheese Platter
-in the salon, Dion Dion (EDM) & (MAG) tell each other about their nightmares
-(host)'s Laughing Buddha gift shop has practical jokes for religious types
February 26, 1983-Beau & Jeff Bridges
*hosts tell embarrassing stories about each other's childhood
-a huge pimple causes many embarrassing moments for (JLD) on prom night
-it's Casablanca in a ski lodge & Rick (EDM) controls the lift tickets
-Cheap Hunt- Mike Nelson (Jeff) keeps costs down by staying out of the water
-male domestic violence victim (GAK) gets little sympathy from other men
-(Beau) is surprised to find that masseuse Saundra (Jeff) is a man
-National Organization For Women members are "Guy Crazy" for Jeff
March 12, 1983-Bruce Dern
*a drunk GAK laments his lack of inclusion in sketches
-brotherly love on Donny (GAK) & Marie's (JLD) St. Patrick's Day Special
-Ted Koppel (JOP) reports Buckwheat's (EDM) been fatally shot, with Texxon sponsors
-The Home for Disgusting Practices- host tries to play a "normal" role
-Mr. Flang (EDM) & Mr. Caca (JOP) instruct the Jerry Lewis School of Manners
-Schleimer (JOP) & Laub (TIK) create tunes for (host)'s Depression musical
-nerdy (GAK) finds his equally geeky parents (host) (MAG) but doesn't realize it
March 19, 1983-Robert Guillaume
*Buckwheat killer John David Stutts (EDM) is profiled then shot Oswald-style
-in the Old South, Chicken Mel (EDM) thinks Cotton Joe (host) is an Uncle Tom
-Klaus Barbie (TIK) pitches Heil Hits, an album with examples of Nazi Gold
-The Mrs. T (ROD) Birthday Special- hubby's not there & that means trouble
-I Married A Monkey- hospitalized Madge is suffering from amnesia
-Oil is Us- Saudi Arabian (JOP) Iranian (host) & Nigerian (EDM) deny that OPEC is a cartel
-Pudge (JOP) observes Solomon’s (EDM) undesire to go & live with his nephew (host)
-(BRH) dials a wrong number & tells (JLD) he's breaking up with her
April 9, 1983-Joan Rivers
*the Whiners (JOP) & (ROD) are in the studio to watch SNL, but they have some complaints
-The David Susskind [real] Show- Buckwheat bodyguard (EDM) was a sleazeball, then impersonators (TIK) (GAK) (EDM) argue
-Oscar statuettes (GAK) (BRH) (EDM) (JLD) await their category backstage
-Liz Taylor (host) reminisces while wearing Industrial Strength Calvin Klein Jeans
-in the year 2040, old folks host & EDM remember their glory days
-E. Eppy Doolittle (EDM) does ad for his club while avoiding (JOP)'s food
-on the island of St. Chuck, (host) visits a Caribbean gyno (EDM)
April 16, 1983-Susan Saint James
*Takin' Care Of Business- James Watt (JOP) endorses pro-industry hits
-Sit On It!- panelists JOP, EDM & host identify statuettes with their butts
-Dorothy Michaels' (GAK) Tootsie cosmetics bring out the woman in EDM
-(JOP) & (TIK) discover hidden paradise on undercover trip to the ladies' room
-Velvet Jones (EDM) plugs his arousing new videotape "The Exercises of Love"
-lazy (GAK) ignores motivation from parents, friends & potential fortune
-Ronald Reagan (JOP) communicates with Deng Xiaoping (TIK) using stereotypes
-a peasant (EDM) uses lawyers to negotiate wishes from a magic fish (MAG)
May 7, 1983-Stevie Wonder
-Stevie Wonder impersonator (host) applies for a job as (EDM) gives him tips
-Hitler (TIK) enters his first meeting with Eva Braun (ROD) into his diary
-scenes from host's life reveal he was influenced by white musicians
-Dion Dion (EDM) & Blaire (JOP) get very excited when host visits their salon
-Cotton Land Theme Park- an opportunity to work off your white guilt
-a Quasimodo-like busboy (JOP) gives poor service to (JLD) & (TIK)
May 14, 1983-Ed Koch
-Mister Robinson's (EDM) Neighborhood- an inventory of stolen goods
-host & Frank Sinatra (JOP) try to talk (EDM) down from a ledge
-Bald No More hair tonic gives host a mane like Don King's [real]
-Wendy Whiner (ROD) recalls Doug's (JOP) experience as a prisoner of war in Vietnam
-Late Night with David Letterman (JOP) has Gumby (EDM) visit and a studio tour
-a women's club watches a show-off (TIK) deliver a strip-o-gram
No comments:
Post a Comment