September 13, 2008-Michael Phelps
*Sarah Palin (TIF) & Hillary Clinton (AMP) address campaign sexism
-Quiz Bowl- home-schoolers (WLF) (AMP) (host) respond to science questions
-unlike his swim team, dancing coach (WLF) is moved by "Fancy Pants"
-awkward quirks of Stacia (KRW) & cousin Craig (host) creep out dinner guests
-The Charles Barkley (KET) Show- Bela Karolyi (DAH) & host chat at a casino
-dad's (JAS) interest in teenaged T-Mobile Fave 5 creates marital discourse
-the smell of pepper distracts unhelpful pizzeria waiter Mark Payne (BOM)
-the calorie-loaded Michael Phelps Diet only works for host
September 20, 2008-James Franco
*in a recording studio, John McCain (DAH) approves misleading attack ads
-The Cougar Den- young musician (host) has a fondness for older women
-stoned spy Agent 420 (host) botches his mission to investigate a laser
-unbiased jurors are hard to find for the O.J. Simpson (KET) robbery trial
-TV show stars Penny Marshall (FRA) as interrogation expert The Looker
-city slicker New York Times reporters are unfit for Alaska datelines
-in lost Of Mice & Men ending, Lenny (BOM) wishes George (host) was direct with him
September 27, 2008-Anna Faris
*Sarah Palin's (TIF) answers don't satisfy interviewer Katie Couric (AMP)
-after a double date, (JAS) & (host) analyze missteps on the drive back
-Jim Lehrer (CHP) moderates Barack Obama (FRA) & John McCain (DAH) debate
-oblivious (host) doesn't realize she's not on a date with hit man (KET)
-stripper (host) proposes a champagne room bailout for investment bankers
-Deep House Dish- overseas acts (KRW), (host), (BOM), (FRA) & (WLF) sing
-Googie Rene's (KET) Slightly-Stained Wedding Dress Basement has bad gowns
-while on a date, everything reminds (host) of her sex-god ex-boyfriend
October 4, 2008-Anne Hathaway
*Gwen Ifill (Queen Latifah) moderates Sarah Palin (TIF) & Joe Biden (JAS) debate
-The Lawrence Welk (FRA) Show- Dooneese (KRW) is sisterly quartet's freak
-Nancy Pelosi's (KRW) financial sympathy cases don't deserve a bailout
-music helps (BOM) & (host) make a connection on the club dance floor
-Mary Poppins (host) is the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious disease vessel
-gaffe-prone Sioux City TV news team is number one in YouTube viral videos
-Mark Wahlberg (ANS) talks to a dog, a donkey, a chicken & a goat
-(JAS) pretended to be gay for five years in order to be (host)'s roommate
-The Less Provocative Songs Of Katy Perry (CAW) lack girl-kissing scandals
October 18, 2008-Josh Brolin
*TIF leaves press conference bit to Sarah Palin [real] during backstage commotion
-at a restaurant, surprise-loving Sue (KRW) spoils (host)'s marriage proposal
-The Suze Orman (KRW) Show- destitute (host) receives unhelpful advice
-I'm No Angel- pregnant barfly (AMP) personifies Gregg Allman's (WLF) perfume
-businessmen Carl (WLF), Jerry (BIH) & Jim (host) throw around "fart face" nickname
-Narc School- undercover cops (host) (KRW) (WLF) attempt to pass as high school students
-(host) can't interest corporate co-workers in a tour of the fall foliage
October 25, 2008-Jon Hamm
*dumb statements of Joe Biden (JAS) & John Murtha (DAH) hinder their campaign
-trick-or-treater Jeff Montgomery (WLF) may or may not be a sex offender
-Mad Men- A-holes (JAS) & (KRW) annoy Don Draper (host) & Peggy (Elisabeth Moss)
-confident Barack Obama (FRA) does his infomercial as a variety show
-in 1959, Vincent Price's (BIH) Halloween Special isn't family-friendly
-Jon Hamm's John Ham- host endorses a bathroom-based meat dispensing system
-Pat Finger (host) seeks votes to be on the city council of Butts, New York
November 1, 2008-Ben Affleck
*John & Cindy McCain [real] sell merchandise on QVC with Sarah Palin (TIF)
-The View- Elisabeth Hasselbeck (KRW) & Alec Baldwin (host) argue politics
-Countdown With Keith Olbermann (host)- arrogance covers outraged exaggerations
-UPS driver (host) wants to get romantically involved with Target lady (KRW)
-Night School Musical- middle-aged students sing about adult concerns
-Grady Wilson's (KET) sex DVD aims to Put The Fire Back In Your Marriage
-(host)'s queer brother Stefon (BIH) puts homoerotic spin on a movie pitch
-Bierhoff Brothers' (FRA) & (host) coat for German tourists is extravagant
November 15, 2008-Paul Rudd
*blundering Joe Biden (JAS) promises to be as entertaining as Sarah Palin
-Austin Vogelcheck's (host) over-affectionate family makes (ANS) uneasy
-Lorenzo McIntosh's (KET) scare tactics fail to intimidate delinquent teens
-open mic song by (host) & (KRW) describes the process of a package delivery
-"Garden Party" evokes yucky anecdotes by reminiscers (host) (BIH) (WLF) (JAS)
-male dancers (ANS), (BOM) & (Justin Timberlake) mess Beyonce’s [real] video
-(WLF) & (BIH) try talking suicidal (host) off a ledge by saying "don't"
-workers (BIH) & (host) are in denial about their stake in same-sex marriage
November 22, 2008-Tim McGraw
*auto executives (WLF), (DAH) & (JAS) request billions at a Congressional hearing
-deluded aspiring inventor (KRW) is proud of her Clear Rite dental device
-in the woods, (FRA) & other turkeys run from hunters' gun blasts
-bumpkin (host) crashes James Bond's (BIH) Casino Royale poker game
-Ludacris & T-Pain [real] collaborate with Blizzard Man (ANS) at a recording session
-Jeff Montgomery (WLF) is an uninvited guest at a family Thanksgiving dinner
-Dale Britches' (host) Down Home Phony Phone Calls are really gentle pranks
-the sticky bar surface is the cause of Mark Payne's (BOM) incompetent service
December 6, 2008-John Malkovich
*Hillary Clinton (AMP) puts a positive spin on becoming Secretary Of State
-off-putting traits of mostly-sexy Shana (KRW) disenchant her co-workers
-La Rivista Della Televisione- Vinny Vedecci (BIH) & son (BOM) interview host
-getting a calculator for Christmas fulfills twins' (FRA) & (host) wishes
-preteen Gertie (host) undergoes unnatural body changes in a Judy Blume book
-host reprises his Dangerous Liaisons role in an onstage hot tub in J'accuzzi
December 13, 2008-Hugh Laurie
*profane Rod Blagojevich (JAS) asks the U.S. Senate for a personal bailout
-Bronx Beat- British butcher's (host) accent makes Betty (AMP) & Jodi (MAR) flirty
-(JAS), (host), (CAW), (WLF) & (KRW) are tensely on edge at a holiday dinner
-wedding reception emcee (JAS) can't restrict the flow of unwanted toasters
-Lamps!- musical features luminaires that sing, dance & take hostages
-(KRW) dictates a holiday letter from the perspective of the dead family cat
January 10, 2009-Neil Patrick Harris
*The Rachel Maddow (ABE) Show- Roland Burris (KET) wants to be a senator
-Today- Hoda Kotb (MIW) suffers Kathie Lee Gifford's (KRW) buffoonery
-Phantom (JAS) & Broadway characters meet to form a musical theatre rescue plan
-Penelope's (KRW) boasts interrupt a group therapy session
-Two First Names- host & other celebrities cherish their double titles
-long-fingernailed air traffic controllers (KRW) & (host) guide planes
-David Frost (host) calls out Richard Nixon (DAH) & other '70s figures
January 17, 2009-Rosario Dawson
*despite Diane Sawyer's (KRW) prompting, Dick Cheney (DAH) has no regrets
-Da Learnin' Train- uneducative kids show appalls Harry Connick, Jr. (JAS)
-marital woes mark ten-year anniversary of Aladdin (JAS) & Jasmine (host)
-unremorseful bad girl Gilly (KRW) blatantly assaults her classmates & teachers
-La Policia Mexicana- cop drama script was written by a 4th grade Spanish class
-The View- Salma Hayek (host) & Ricky Gervais (JAS) contribute to the discussion
-Good Excuse!- (WLF) & (KRW) develop convoluted, implausible explanations
January 31, 2009-Steve Martin
*during the economic crisis, Barack Obama (FRA) brings up happy pre-term memories
-uptight co-workers Neil (WLF), Jean (KRW) & (host) view the Superbowl on Ecstasy
-Issues- Clarence Jernigan's (KET) guests are insufficiently body-aware
-Bernie Madoff (FRA) can't get anybody to come to his Superbowl party
-makeup salesman's (host) dumb wife Trina (KRW) bothers him while he works
February 7, 2009-Bradley Cooper
*vengeful Nancy Pelosi (KRW) rejects Harry Reid's (FRA) bipartisanship
-Today- Kathie Lee Gifford (KRW) tests Hoda Kotb's (MIW) professionalism
-I'm Gonna Have Sex With Your Wife- emcee (host) deceives contestants
-"To Be With You" evokes awful tales by reminiscers (host) (BIH) (WLF) (JAS)
-after a hockey game, all the players but one (host) amaze young Keith (BOM)
-Bad Guys, Good Conversation- movie villains meet up to discuss a few topics
-squirt noises made by fluid pumpers (host) & (KRW) derail an intervention
-No Bruce! Let Me Finish!- Christian Bale (host) & more on celebrity rant DVD
February 14, 2009-Alec Baldwin
*John Boehner (DAA) & fellow GOP lawmakers misread the political landscape
-The Jonas Brothers [real] drop their “older brother’ (host) from the band
-The Cougar Den- cougay (host) has written a book on nabbing younger men
-Sir Mix-A-Lot's (KET) Photo Shop enhances butts on customers' snapshots
-romance is elusive on Vincent Price's (BIH) Valentine's Day Special
-businessmen Carl (WLF), Jerry (BIH) & Troy (host) fail to schedule a meeting time
-(host)'s masturbating experience makes him an instant Wii expert
-host's acting techniques DVD shows how to foreshadow death with a cough
March 7, 2009-Dwayne Johnson
*Timothy Geithner (WLF) offers $420,000,000,000 for solving the banking crisis
-when Barack Obama (FRA) gets angry, he becomes The Rock Obama (host)
-(ABE) & Jamie Lee Curtis (KRW) lose bowel control during an Activia shoot
-bitter, unwelcoming Hawaiians (host) & (FRA) serenade & berate tourists
-Game Time- callers identify (host)'s sports co-anchor Greg (BIH) as an alien
-Donald Trump (DAH) tapes an NBC spot with Celebrity Apprentice participants
-lighthouse keeper (host) neglects his duty during a date with (KRW)
March 14, 2009-Tracy Morgan
*TRM punches his way through Rockefeller Center on his way to the studio
-Brian Fellow's (TRM) Safari Planet- a baby cow is perceived to be arrogant
-The View- scatterbrained Sherri Shepherd (TRM) is consistently ignorant
-beer-drinking teens aren't scared by Lorenzo McIntosh (KET) & fellow con (TRM)
-Astronaut Jones (TRM) isn’t put off by transexual space female (ANS)
-Big Love- bigamist Bill's (JAS) fourth wife (TRM) is not a woman
-Suppressex enforces social norms by damping unwanted public erections
-High IQ- goofy distracters hinder brainy contestants on a game show
-Family Flix- many human & canine actors died when (TRM) made Rocket Dog
April 4, 2009-Seth Rogen
*Barack Obama (FRA) passes judgement on product category winners & losers
-Dick Tracy (JAS) & other funny page characters want to save the newspapers
-La Rivista Della Televisione- Vinny Vedecci (BIH) thinks host is a Bear Man
-(ANS), (BIH) & (host) use funny voices when talking on their cellphones
-(host) dubbing Grease on a corporate CD leaves his co-workers furious
-Milestone High- (ANS)'s tutoring fails because dumb (host) is not a jock
-songs of (WLF) & (KRW) address spaceships, toddlers, Model T cars, jars of beer & Easter
-Nipsey Russell (KET) stops Muppets in the Electric Mayhem bus for hit & run
April 11, 2009-Zac Efron
*pesky Joe Biden (JAS) won't let Barack Obama (FRA) get back to work
-Today- Kathie Lee Gifford's (KRW) son Cody (host) is similar to his mom
-Gilly (KRW) intimidates & terrorizes her fellow students at a science fair
-of the drinkers in a bar, (ANS) & (host) are by far the least underage
-High School Musical 4- Troy (host) reveals lack of singing in the real world
-freakishly fast (CAW) chases her soldier beau's (host) departing train
-actress' (FRA) furious line reading ruins a pizza roll commercial shoot
-(JAS) teaches younger brother (host) foot rub technique by giving him one
May 9, 2009-Justin Timberlake
*Timothy Geithner (WLF) reviews banks' careless answers to his stress test
-Target lady's (KRW) accident-prone friend Peg (host) is excited about a date
-immigrant Cornelius Timberlake (host) has prophetic aspirations for great-great-grandson
-singing & dancing mascot (host) upstages the promoter of a health club (WLF)
-The Barry Gibb (JIF) Talk Show- Nancy Pelosi (KRW) & others discusses the economy
-shipping mixup arms Disney actors for a Pirates Of The Caribbean show
May 16, 2009-Will Ferrell
*George W. Bush (WIF) asks Dick Cheney (DAH) to abandon the spotlight
-The Lawrence Welk (FRA) Show- (WIF) avoids unwanted attention of Dooneese (KRW)
-Celebrity Jeopardy!- Sean Connery (DAH), Kathie Lee (KRW), Tom Hanks [real] are inept
-Inside The NBA- Charles Barkley (KET) loves (WIF)'s on-screen super promo
-at a funeral, emcee (JAS) can't restrict the flow of unwanted eulogers
-traumatized by a Vietnam vacation, Fritz (WIF) sings "Goodnight Saigon"
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