September 26, 2009-Megan Fox
*Moammar Gadhafi (FRA) blames rambling his United Nations speech on jet lag
-stewardesses (KRW) & (host) calmly deliver upsetting announcements
-(WLF) chooses between pretty (host) & ugly (FRA) Russian mail-order brides
-(host) joins Grady Wilson (KET) for his Burning Up The Bedsheets sex DVD
-Live Lounge phone chat line is populated by all sorts of unsexy oddballs
-Biker Chick Chat- tough broad Dawn (JES) expresses strong emotions
-host's friend's mom (KRW) engages her in small talk while folding laundry
October 3, 2009-Ryan Reynolds
*Barack Obama (FRA) defends himself by pointing to a lack of accomplishments
-Family Feud- incest subtext affects John (BIH) & Mackenzie (KRW) Phillips
-Mike's (FRA) Fountainry has Lexi (Scarlett Johansson) display classy brand
-Deep House Dish- Lady Gaga & Madonna [real] get in a cat fight
-criminals battle on So You Committed A Crime & You Think You Can Dance
-International Masterworks- Norway doesn't capture spirit of USA cop drama
October 10, 2009-Drew Barrymore
*Nobel Peace Prize awardee Barack Obama (FRA) adds lottery jackpot to his honors
-Italian foreign-exchange student Gigli (host) & Gilly (KRW) are very alike
-Celebrity Ghost Stories- spooked stars tell their supernatural experiences
-La Rivista Della Televisione- Vinny Vedecci (BIH) hopes host will flash him
-Pete Twinkle (JAS) & Greg Stink (WLF) cover 1991 ladies' billiards match
-Cooking Al Fresco- outdoor venue leaves chefs (host) & (ANS) exposed to bird attack
-Larry King (FRA) Live- panelists discuss where men put their wieners
-Hamilton (WLF) crashes (host)'s memoir reading about her time with him
October 17, 2009-Gerard Butler
*health care delayers turn Barack Obama (FRA) into The Rock Obama (Dwayne Johnson)
-Game Time- alien Greg's (BIH) tail keeps the conversation away from sports topics
-Beast (host) thinks Belle (KRW) isn't a Beauty since she lacks a big ass
-Leonidas (host) addresses Don't Ask Don't Tell to ab all-gay Spartan army
-What Up With That?- (KET)’s singing & dancing bumps panelist James Franco [real]
-new secretary Trina (KRW) unhelpfully interrupts (host)'s business meeting
-movie chronicles William Wallace's cowardly brother Daveheart (host)
November 7, 2009-Taylor Swift
*Fox News election coverage prematurely declares the end of the Obama era
-The View- attention-seeking Kate Gosselin (host) & Nicolas Cage (ANS) pester
-Hollywood Dish anchors (BIH) & (KRW) produce desired responses from host
-teen (host) lists parental car sins worse than driving-while-texting
-Penelope's (KRW) attention-seeking exaggerations upstage newlyweds at reception
-joyriding teens aren't fazed by Lorenzo McIntosh (KET) & fellow con (host)
-boyfriend (ANS) feels excluded by (NAP)'s close bond with her roommate (host)
-Bunny Business- celebrity soundtrack demotes the movie to an afterthought
November 14, 2009-January Jones
*Joe Biden (JAS) aims to solve the health care reform while Obama is away
-Today- Kathie Lee Gifford's (KRW) singing freaks out The Black Eyed Peas [real]
-Grace Kelly's (host) nonstop flatulence disrupts the filming of Rear Window
-Michelle Dison (KRW) clumsily woos Dairy Queen employee (host) during live shoot
-Dr. Jekyll (BIH) claims Mr. Hyde is to blame for his homosexual occurrences
-(host)'s lack of imagination spoils her cloud-watching date with (JAS)
November 21, 2009-Joseph Gordon-Levitt
*Hu Jintao (WLF) expects to be screwed by debtor Barack Obama (FRA)
-Secret Word- actress Mindy Grayson (KRW) is useless on classic game show
-The Mellow Show- Ozzy Osbourne (Dave Matthews) likes to take it easy with Jack Johnson (ANS)
-What Up With That?- panelists Al Gore & Mindy Kaling [real] spectate (KET)’s singing & dancing
-family tensions of (JAS), (host), (ABE), (WLF) & (KRW) have everyone on-edge at holiday dinner
-Woman To Woman- insensitive sub Roger Brush (FRA) is an ill-suited adviser
-Lloyd Dobler's (host) "In Your Eyes" boombox strategy confuses (JAS)
December 5, 2009-Blake Lively
*Tareq (BOM) & Michaele (KRW) Salahi photobomb Barack Obama's (FRA) speech
-Pete Twinkle (JAS) & Greg Stink (WLF) cover 1989 ladies' bowling tournament
-The Situation Room- Elin Nordegren (host) abuses cheating Tiger Woods (KET)
-Gossip Girl Staten Island- the unglamorous region is still filled with drama
-Virginiaca (KET) supports her stepdaughter (host) in an upscale clothes shop
-Late Night With Chris Hansen (BIH)- celebrities get ambushed like pedophiles
-at NASA, astronaut candidate (JAS) eats one of (WLF)'s potato chips
December 12, 2009-Taylor Lautner
*Mark Sanford (JAS) & other unfaithful officials are sidelined by Tiger Woods
-(host) can't relax during pre-taping of Rose Bowl player introductions
-impending pregnancy announcement puts surprise-loving Sue (KRW) through the roof
-middle schooler (ANS) heckles Christmas program of classmates' show choir
-in science class, tweens (host) & (JES) have an Edward vs. Jacob debate
-(KET) slides in with soulful commentary on young lovers (host) & (ABE)
-Tina Tina Cheneuse (JES) voices custom doorbells to suit all needs
December 19, 2009-James Franco
*The Lawrence Welk (FRA) Show- Dooneese (KRW) creeps out a Mexican singer (host)
-What Up With That?- Mike Tyson & Jack McBrayer [real] witness (KET)’s singing & dancing
-girlfriend (ABE) reacts to intimacy of (host) & the rest of Vogelcheck family
-The Manuel Ortiz (FRA) Show- Latin rhythm overshadows infidelity revelation
-mentally-slow fraternity brothers haze pledge (ANS) to learn basic facts
-James Dean (host) visits Vincent Price's (BIH) 1954 Christmas Special
-(host) is emotionally attached to evergreens on his Christmas tree lot
-businessmen Carl (WLF), Jerry (BIH) & (host) choose dildos for office Christmas gifts
-Mark Wahlberg (ANS) talks to a sheep, a partridge, a snowman & Rudolph
January 9, 2010-Charles Barkley
*The Situation Room- Yemeni President Saleh (FRA) is an uncertain USA ally
-Reel Quotes- game show contestants (host) & (KRW) bungle movie dialogue
-at a ski lodge, Shana (KRW) alternately attracts & repulses her male co-workers
-Inside The NBA- Danny Hoover's (ANS) inappropriate play-by-play bothers host
-The Haney Project- (JAS) shows how host's awful mechanics extend beyond golf swing
-tales of Lorenzo McIntosh (KET) & dad (host) don't frighten trespassing teens
-Barkley's Bank- host's financial plan for your money is double or nothing
January 16, 2010-Sigourney Weaver
*Larry King (FRA) Live- Jay Leno (DAH) & Conan O'Brien (BIH) state their cases
-(host) contributes Dutch sex moves to Grady Wilson's (KET) Fifty & Freaky DVD
-Pete Twinkle (JAS) & Greg Stink (WLF) cover 1988 ladies' darts championship
-Disco Booty Junction- duo (host) & (KRW) take time presenting themselves
-Jake Sully (BIH) flexes while his avatar (ANS) has sex with Neytiri (NAP)
-at dinner, gravel-voiced boy Riley (FRA) behaves like a gay insult comic
-excitable host skips Golden Globes to read online comments about herself
-height of husband's (BOM) piano frightens acrophobic lounge singer (host)
January 30, 2010-Jon Hamm
*Barack Obama (FRA) scapegoats Martha Coakley & lays out his policy agenda
-at a 1928 party, Lilia (KRW) wants to sing but then fails to do so
-visions of alluring Scott Brown (host) consume a Democrat strategy session
-Game Time- alien Greg (BIH) assimilates Frank Reich (host) & starts multiplying
-Michael Bublé [real] is host's unwilling partner in Hamm & Bublé restaurant
-incompetent court stenographer Elinda Nade (FRA) interrupts proceedings
-in a bar, Closet Organizer (WLF) gets upset when patron (host) labels him
-American Enterprise- Barnes & Noble started with just homeless bathrooms
February 6, 2010-Ashton Kutcher
*on the record Fox News analysts don't want Don't Ask Don't Tell to end
-gold-digging pool boy (host) got only venereal disease from an old lady
-The View- Don't Ask Don't Tell, the Oscars & Mel Gibson (host) are discussed
-in ancient Rome, grape-feeding slave boy (host) preoccupies emperor (WLF)
-What Is Burn Notice?- game show contestants puzzle over the USA Network show
-Access Hollywood- not all Best Picture nominees are "best" or "pictures"
-(Dave Grohl) & the bride's father (FRA) play hardcore a at wedding reception
February 27, 2010-Jennifer Lopez
*"We Are The World 3" is sung to make up for disastrous "We Are The World 2"
-Pete Twinkle (JAS) & Greg Stink (WLF) cover 1987 ladies' curling competition
-misleading editing of (BIH) & (KRW) further twists host's Hollywood Dish interview
-Telemundo anchors (FRA) & (host) find the Winter Olympics cold & awful
-Besos Y Lagrimas- Carlos' (FRA) emotions run hot for nun Josephina (host)
-office romance involving puppeteer (host) resists soulful commentary of (KET)
-girl (NAP) fears her bedroom closet monster Smash Mouth (BOM) (BIH) (FRA)
-Tina Tina Cheneuse's (JES) Car Horns & More has custom verbal vehicle warnings
March 6, 2010-Zach Galifianakis
*Barack Obama (FRA) thinks Harry Reid's (WLF) Senate seat is in jeopardy
-at a funeral, the Vogelchecks grieve by kissing family members & mourners
-all of hotel guests' (host) & (KRW) questions are related to the bidet
-Today- wine-addicted Kathie Lee Gifford (KRW) lets host drop by the set
-What Up With That?- Paul Rudd & Frank Rich [real] are sidelined due to (KET)’s singing & dancing
-The Situation Room- overlooked viewer-submitted content is unjournalistic
-Pageant Talk- contestant (JES) has been coached by her queer dad (host)
March 13, 2010-Jude Law
*Eric Massa's (BOM) explanations of his problematic behavior don't hold up
-Secret Word- Mindy Grayson (KRW) & Russian ballet star (host) don't have a clue
-Spaniard (host) charms tourists (ABE) & (NAP) while plotting to murder them
-The Twilight Zone- at 20,000 feet, gremlin (BOM) is more than a nightmare
-Nathan Lane (BOM) & Al Pacino (BIH) join host at an audition for Hamlet
-Elinda Nade (FRA) gets jewelry caught in her typewriter & loses her Chapstick
-demanding Indian dad (FRA) pushes his son Ravish (NAP) into a talk show career
April 10, 2010-Tina Fey
*Barack Obama (FRA) encourages the USA to answer intrusive census questions
-Tiger Woods' mistress (TIF) provides expert commentary at The Masters
-Sarah Palin Network- line-up of shows reflects (TIF)’s political views
-teacher (TIF) imagines pupil (Justin Bieber) musically requiting her crush
-Ruff, Rugged & Roker (KET)- nightclub party pauses for weather reports
-(TIF) wishes her reasonable daughter Bedelia (NAP) would act her age
-nine-inch-tall hooker (TIF) gives up on a trip to Paris to save an orphanage
April 17, 2010-Ryan Phillippe
*Larry King (FRA) Live- Bjork (KRW) evaluates a volcanic eruption
-Pete Twinkle (JAS) & Greg Stink (WLF) cover 1986 women's weightlifting championship
-Hip Hop Kids- in a bear cave, Zig-Zag (ANS) is the sole voice of reason
-accountant-for-the-stars Mort Mort Feingold (ANS) does celebrities' taxes
-"Breakfast At Tiffany's" evokes sins of reminiscers (host) (BIH) (WLF) (JAS)
-Teen Talk- Roger Brush (FRA) turns a deaf ear to adolescents' embarrassments
-I Got This!- (WLF) & sons (host) & (JAS) grab for checks on the game show
April 24, 2010-Gabourey Sidibe
*Barack Obama (FRA) failed to secure Wall Street reform at an $85,000 lunch
-The Suze Orman (KRW) Show- nurse (host) gives health care economy tips
-on the stoop, (FRA) & (KET) find crazy Mrs. Johnson (host) to be levelheaded
-(FRA) stars in Danish Repertory Theater's incoherent play about Frank Sinatra
-2010 Public Employee Of The Year Awards- lazy civil servants seek honors
-Tina Tina Cheneuse's (JES) Alarm Clocks & More timepieces speak to sleepers
-Hamilton (WLF) tries to woo host back by claiming he's changed his racist ways
May 8, 2010-Betty White
*The Lawrence Welk (FRA) Show- (host)'s daughter Dooneese (KRW) frightens (WLF)
-Margaret Jo (ANG) & Terry (MOS) celebrate dietary fiber with (host)'s Dusty Muffins
-The Manuel Ortiz (FRA) Show- Latin vibes infiltrate a love quadrilateral
-only (host) sees the folly of feminizing Antebellum lesbian grandkid (AMP)
-disobedient teens turn deaf ears to Lorenzo McIntosh (KET) & his grandma (host)
-CSI Sarasota- (RAD) & David Caruso's aunt (host) in an elderly investigation
-census taker (TIF) records apartment dweller's (host) crazy responses
May 15, 2010-Alec Baldwin
*Tony Hayward (BIH) lists absurd ideas to stop the Deepwater Horizon oil spill
-incompetent bucktoothed script supervisor Starfish (KRW) ruins soap opera
-coach (host) disses his swimmers at a high school sports awards banquet
-at her 14th birthday party, non-juvenile Bedelia (NAP) worships her dad (host)
-Greek (host) & Grady Wilson (KET) partner for Intimate & International sex DVD
-meals cooked in the Timecrowave can disrupt the space-time continuum
-in a classic movie, (host) humanizes a hooker (JES) before degrading her
-snipers (JAS) & (KET) don't know if (host) wants them to take the shot
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