September 28, 2013-Tina Fey
*Barack Obama (JAP) addresses support while promoting Obamacare
-(TAK) & (TIF) give special passengers priority during airplane boarding
-New Cast Member Or Arcade Fire?- TIF identifies featured players & rock group
-Cinema Classics- clips from 1940s movie reveal influence of a taxidermist
-(MOB) & mad wife (TIF) sell Model Ts in the world's first used-car commercial
-dense former porn stars (VAB) (CES) (TIF) endorse Manolo Blahnik shoes
October 5, 2013-Miley Cyrus
*backstage at the 2013 VMAs, host's new image makes her former self (VAB) cautious
-Girlfriends Talk Show- hip-hop wannabe (host) upstages ignored Morgan (AIB)
-Piers Morgan (TAK) Live- many Hillary Clinton biopics are in development
-during practice, (host) sees fellow cheerleaders abducted by alien (KET)
-anchors (host) (BOM) (KAM) fake cheerfulness for Mornin' Miami promo shoots
-Miss Meadows (VAB) tries perking high schoolers' interest in poetry
October 12, 2013-Bruce Willis
*government shutdown impacts NASA & Gravity astronauts (TAK) & (CES)
-(host)'s unrealistically-cinematic attack plan baffles his fellow Navy SEALs
-(host)'s simple anecdotes fall flat compared to his fellow barbers' riffs
-The Lady Gaga Show- Michael Kors (host) & Penelope Cruz (KAM) panel with (VAB)
-Kirby (BOM) goes on about his heroic kitty cat during an Armageddon-like mission
-at an event, (host) is concerned about the back half of his centaur costume (JOM)
-newly-fatherless Eddie (TAK) mocks his mom's (VAB) date's (host) verbal slip-up
October 26, 2013-Edward Norton
*Kathleen Sebelius (KAM) offers workarounds for the faulty Obamacare website
-Shallon (NAP) alters cop's (host) stranger-safety elementary school talk
-Steve Harvey (KET) fails to understand wordplay-based Halloween costumes
-a possum in the office ducts fascinates pest control workers (BRW) & (host)
-drug money counter (host) looks & acts like Rain Man but isn't a savant
-12 Days Not A Slave- newly-emancipated (JAP) misreads pace of social change
-virgin waiters (host), (NAP), (CES) & (MOB) anticipate becoming sexperts
-(host) comments on the items he intends to give to trick-or-treaters
November 2, 2013-Kerry Washington
*SNL's lack of black female castmembers makes host busy during a White House sketch
-self-styled success Heshi (NAP) uses sound effects in her motivational speech
-How's He Doing?- Obama's policy blunders don't weaken his black support
-contestants from undeveloped countries disrupt Miss Universe Pageant
-Cartoon Catchphrase- contestant's (AIB) husband (TAK) is very unfaithful
-Principal Frye (JAP) lectures delinquents during a high school carnival
-Date Or Diss- a trio of freaky MTV-chosen bachelorettes creeps out (TAK)
November 16, 2013-Lady Gaga
*trainwreck Rob Ford (BOM) denies his apology for smoking crack
-Waking Up With Kimye- Kanye West (JAP) & Kim Kardashian (NAP) boast
-Adam Duritz (TAK) presents Whaaat?, the worst cover songs of all time
-weirdos on NYC co-op board interview potential residents (BEB) & (VAB)
-Spotlightz!- Laura Parsons (VAB) & hammy kids do serious scenes at acting camp
-at a talent show, parents (JOM) & (host) act out their kid's dance routine
-in 2063, forgotten host tries to impress her building's super (KET)
November 23, 2013-Josh Hutcherson
*Piers Morgan (TAK) Live- George Zimmerman's latest trouble is discussed
-Girlfriends Talk Show- Morgan's (AIB) crush (host) puts her in the friend zone
-new employee (host) learns his boss Mr. Patterson (BEB) has the body of a baby
-in the 1980s, preteen (host) lip-syncs "Your Love" to older girl (VAB)
-Best Buy employees Niff (BOM) & Dana (CES) bad-mouth their co-workers
-animal hospital workers (host) (KAM) (CES) casually announce pet deaths
-Thanksgiving meal with (host)'s family upsets his turkey girlfriend (VAB)
December 7, 2013-Paul Rudd
*Lawrence Welk (FRA) presents The Sound Of Music featuring Dooneese (KRW)
-Politics Nation- Al Sharpton (KET) brings on (host) to discuss Obamacare
-divorcing (host) & (VAB) can't resist grooving to "I Don't Want To Know"
-Michelangelo (TAK) based his David sculpture on (host)’s small penis size
-the elves don't like skinny & health-conscious Santa's (host) new attitude
-(CES)'s memories of lost loves include embarrassing pizza guy (host)
-drunk businessmen (DAK) (WIF) (host) (TAK) glorify Bill Brasky at Chuck E. Cheese's
December 14, 2013-John Goodman
*fake sign-language interpreter (KET) gets on Barack Obama's (JAP) nerves
-snowflake-costumed (host), (VAB), (KET) & (AIB) regret holiday pageant dance
-wise guys (host), (Sylvester Stallone) & (Robert DeNiro) go to see baby Jesus
-lawyer (CES) argues that (BEB) fired homely (host) for being too sexy
-Shallon (NAP) flips fireman's (host) holiday safety message completely
-The Christmas Whistle- the movie's titular noise drives everyone crazy
-drunk & lonely (host) & Sheila Sovage (KAM) settle for a sad make-out session
December 21, 2013-Jimmy Fallon
*singing & dancing mascot (Justin Timberlake) & gift bag (JIF) compete with a wrapper (AIB)
-Family Feud- CBS & NBC network stars battle on the celebrity edition
-The Barry Gibb (JIF) Talk Show- Madonna & Barry Gibb [real] take part
-Waking Up With Kimye- Christmas message is similar to the "Bound 2" video
-Ebenezer Scrooge (TAK) realizes his homosexuality (JIF) surpassed his greediness
-(JIF) & (CES) reverse roles in the second verse of "Baby It's Cold Outside"
January 18, 2014-Drake
*Piers Morgan (TAK) Live- Chris Christie (BOM) responds to Bridgegate
-Before They Were Stars- hip-hop artists got started on unlikely TV shows
-Nancy Grace (NOW)- legalized Colorado marijuana is a cause for alarm
-at a slumber party, Melanie (AIB) lusts over (SAZ)'s dorky dad (host)
-at Disney World, foreign child (NAP) participates in an Indiana Jones display
-Miss Meadows (VAB) brings her love of poetry to students serving detention
-Mornin' Miami anchors (host) (BOM) (KAM) are only cheery when the camera's on
January 25, 2014-Jonah Hill
*a gay boycott leaves only dull & aroused heterosexual male figure skaters
-6 year-old Adam (host) again uses Benihana as a spot for his comedy material
-Couples Quiz!- game show contestant (host) admits to clogging the toilet
-a horse kicks, head-butts, bites & brands its groomers (host) & (CES)
-at his boss' (BEB) house, anxious (host) yells at himself within earshot
-dense former porn stars (VAB) (CES) (host) endorse Lamborghini vehicles
February 1, 2014-Melissa McCarthy
*Broadway performers are last-minute Super Bowl halftime show replacements
-newscast video shows congresswoman Sheila Kelly's (host) arrogant rampage
-(host)'s vengeful goals are out of place at a housewives' group meeting
-Guess That Phrase!- weird contestant (host) completely fails at game show
-museum technician (host) disrupts Frida Kahlo (NAP) in a live art exhibit
-Girlfriends Talk Show- Morgan's (AIB) divorcee friend (host) turns on her
-(BOM) romanticizes brief park bench encounter with obnoxious Diane (host)
March 1, 2014-Jim Parsons
*Ellen (KAM)- Barkhad Abdi (JAP) is pranked & Johnny Weir (host) is dapper
-Tinkerbell's brassy half-sister Tonkerbell (AIB) joins Peter Pan (host)
-The Killer Files- blatant serial killer (host) stalked TV dance shows
-murder mystery participant (host) is unhappy with his assigned character
-Spotlightz!- Laura Parsons (VAB) & peers act in Best Picture nominee adaptations
-uneasy boss (host) shares an elevator ride with coworkers after craping his pants
-on the range, (host) plans a birthday surprise for fellow cowboy (BEB)
March 8, 2014-Lena Dunham
*Liam Neeson [real] targets Vladimir Putin through Barack Obama's (JAP) video
-Scandal- newly-hired (host) is easily impressed on Olivia's (SAZ) team
-What's Poppin'- whitebread aspiring rap group performs on hip-hop show
-What Are You Even Doing?- teens (NAP) & (host) are flirty towards boys
-at a jewelry party, Venezuelan (CES) discovers her boyfriend's (MOB) sexism
-Pimpin' Pimpin' Pimpin'- Katt Williams (JAP) interviews white celebrities
March 29, 2014-Louis C.K.
*Barack Obama (JAP) seeks social media attention to promote healthcare.gov
-Black Jeopardy!- white contestant (host) questions the game show's theme
-Mr. Patterson's (BEB) employee (host) is smeared with cake before resignation
-passerby (host) rejects women's musical labeling of "Mr. Big Stuff"
-detective (host) & partner (VAB) casually negotiate pajama-clad sex
-crazy talk exceeds (host)'s reconciliation with his ex-girlfriend (AIB)
April 5, 2014-Anna Kendrick
*new General Motors CEO Mary Barra (KAM) won’t admit ignition switch problems
-Fox & Friends- Neil deGrasse Tyson (KET) discusses climate change
-Ursula (AIB) doesn't want Ariel's (host) jarring pop singer voice
-Les Jeunes de Paris- cups beat accompany dance to "Louxor, J'Adore"
-Principal Frye (JAP) lectures misbehaving students during zoo field trip
-Big Joe (TAK) is unable to free (BOM) from rocks in spite of supposed muscle
-(host) & her off-key sister (VAB) want to be backup singers for Pharrell Williams [real]
April 12, 2014-Seth Rogen
*at Coachella, Paul Ryan (TAK) & Jeb Bush (BEB) attempt cool conservatism
-Shallon (NAP) reverses D.A.R.E. representative's (host) say-no-to-drugs spiel
-(AIB)'s pair of broken arms puts her husband (host) to work at a birthday dinner
-Blue River Dog Food- inferior kibble causes (host)'s wife (CES) to meltdown
-(CES) reveals her cousin's (host) gay experience at his engagement party
-Al Sharpton (KET) clumsily participates in a 1983 FBI mob sting operation
-Herman (host) & Sons (KET) are making their sperm bank into a yogurt shop
May 3, 2014-Andrew Garfield
*mistress (SAZ) & Dennis Rodman (JAP) stand up for Donald Sterling (BOM)
-Family Feud- Justin Timberlake (host) dominates the matchup of musicians
-self-centered woman (CES) cuts in on Oliver Twist's (host) gruel request
-host & Emma Stone [real] kiss awkwardly on The Amazing Spider-Man 2 set
-best man (host) mistimes his love confession for bride (CES) at wedding reception
May 10, 2014-Charlize Theron
*Michelle Obama (SAZ) & Hillary Clinton (VAB) argue before Mother's Day
-(KAM) emcees a Mother’s Day game show for her kids (BRW), (KYM) & (host)
-Girlfriends Talk Show- passionate drama teacher (host) coaches Morgan (AIB)
-pelvic thrusts & sound effects accompany dating advice of Heshi (NAP) & (host)
-a dead whale explosion interrupts teen fun in the movie Bikini Beach Party
-Barbara (KAM) & (host) show cats available for adoption at Whiskers R' We
May 17, 2014-Andy Samberg
*Beyonce (MAR) & Solange (SAZ) Knowles defend Jay Z the (JAP) elevator fight
-preteens (AIB) & (KAM) recap disobedience taken place at Camp Wicawabe
-confident hunchback Quasimodo (ANS) swaggers through a 1482 Paris saloon
-(ANS) bring (TAK) home for Vogelcheck family (FRA) (KRW) (BIH) (Paul Rudd) gathering
-Waking Up With Kimye- wedding planner (ANS) describes their upcoming marriage
-Legolas (ANS) & Gimli (BOM) from The Hobbit order food at Taco Bell
-during a recording session, 2 Chainz [real] supports Blizzard Man (ANS)
-dense former porn stars (VAB) (CES) (ANS) (KRW) endorse Bvlgari watches
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